And so, life goes on...

Hi all!

Well, here we are - tomorrow marks the one-month anniversary of my brother's March 19 passing. Since that day, two things have happened which have totally changed my perspective. First, just three days after Dick's death, there was that awful plane crash where 14 people perished, one a young mom who was 5 mos. pregnant along with 7 young children (all the precious babies of the two sisters aboard the plane).

Ironically, Amy and Erin Jacobson and their three children, who were among the crash victims, lived right there in Angwin, CA just around the corner from Dick & Nancy. And Amy, the young Jacobson mom of three of the children, was a part-time dental assistant at the Angwin dental office where I was a patient while in Californa. There were almost 2,000 in attendance at their memorial service (a week after my brother's service) held in the big Adventist church at the college just down the hill. My heart continues to ache for the famlies affected by this unthinkable tragedy. They lost two entire branches of their family tree, and some long-time close friends, all in one fell swoop - I can't imagine the crushing grief!

The second thing that has cleared up my thinking and changed my perspective is the sense of relief and total peace that has come over me now that it's over. I now see why having a funeral or memorial service is so important for families after a loss of this type. I didn't realize it, but I held my grief tightly up against my chest until Dick's memorial service when it all came gushing out. It's difficult to explain, but after it was over, I felt differently. I began to feel relief and such a profound and growing sense of peace. The only way I can explain it is that I now know that I no longer have to worry about my brother or sit by and see him suffer, watching him painfully deteriorate a little every day. As my eldest daughter described it when I told her of his death, she said, "Oh mom, isn't it great - Uncle Dick is 'up there' partying with Jesus and Grandpa (my daddy, who died in 1997)!"

With that, my entire way of thinking about it changed. Now, and more and more as time goes by, I feel an increasing sense of peace. I can honestly say that although I miss Dick so, so much, (and will as long as I'm alive and breathing) I can now think of him without sorrow or concern - this, for the first time since he was diagnosed two years ago.

Something else I've learned is that grief is hard work - utterly exhausting. My mom & sis have expressed experiencing the same feelings of exhaustion. I'm just now starting to feel my energy beginning to return. Now I'm busying myself trying to figure out what "normal" is, and working to get back to it, whatever it is. First of all, I need to move back into my house. Keep in mind, I was at my brother's for 6 months. We had a LOT of our "stuff" down there. I'm working a little at a time to get things unloaded from the boxes and suitcases and put it all back where it belongs at home.

We finally took Darrell to the cardiologist this past Wednesday, and it was good news. The doctor agreed that we probably don't need to be concerned about having Darrell undergo an angioplasty, at least not right now. His symptoms were very worrysome, but he has felt totally great since coming home from his hospital visit. His blood pressure numbers are really good, and his cholesterol is low with good numbers in all the right places. The doc wants to see him again in a year, or if his symptoms recur, whichever comes first. The doctor asked if there was anything especially stressful going on in our lives recently. Nah! Boy, oh boy - don't EVEN get me started!!

I loved what Rick Warren (author of "The Purpose Driven Life") said about dealing with his wife's cancer. After months of prayer for her healing, he had to come to terms with the fact that it probably wasn't in God's plan to spare her earthly life. He says that normal life is comprised of a series of crises. But the real crisis occurs when you don't know where to take the stress from those crises, or you don't know Whom you should trust with your breaking heart. Rick's message, too, retooled my thinking. We always think, "If I can just get through this..." or "When this is over..." with the idea that after the storm passes, things will settle down and life will smooth out for us. It ain't gonna happen, friends! This IS life on this old dirt ball. But the Good News is that it's only temporary. We're just passing through. I'm longing for that blessed day when we can all join the party there in heaven with Jesus and our beloved friends and family - my sweet brother, and my precious daddy, and you with all of your loved ones. What a celebration that will be - Don't miss it!!

Love you all!


MY TEXT FOR TODAY (The chorus from a favorite Christian song: "Till the Storm Passes Over"):

Till the storm passes over, till the thunder sounds no more,
Till the clouds roll forever from the sky...
Hear my cry, help me stand in the hollow of His hand.
Hold me close till the storm passes by.