The weather outside is FRIGHTFUL!

Hi, everyone!

I’ll start out by saying that we made it home safe and sound. So, here I am, writing from my own desk. It’s only three days till Christmas, and we have the weather to prove it – Snow, 22 inches of the cold white stuff. It’s so beautiful, but not appreciated if you have to be out in it.

We had quite a time getting home from California on Thursday evening. Our flight was scheduled to leave Sacramento at 4:15, and we were delayed a couple of times before we boarded the plane. That same flight had been canceled a day earlier, so we were prepared to spend the night at the Sacramento airport. We were finally airborne just after 5:30 p.m. and landed in Portland at 6:50. That boy put the pedal to the metal, I wanna tell you. Normally the flight takes just about an hour and 40 minutes, so our pilot made up some lost time up there at 30,000 feet! The most exciting part was landing on a surface that was obviously covered with a sheet of ice – Yikes! But our trip, including the scary landing, was completely uneventful up to that point.

Then we were faced with the challenge of navigating the icy roads to make it home safely. Darrell & I had planned to stop and pick up a sandwich on the way home, but aborted that part of the plan when we saw how treacherous the conditions were. Tends to ruin your appetite. It snowed at near-blizzard levels for several lengthy portions of the 45-mile trip.

Actually, the most interesting (a totally inadequate descriptor) part of the journey was the 5 miles after leaving I-5 North driving on the country roads to our house. We slipped and slid all over the place, and saw several unfortunate pickup trucks that had slid off into the ditch or up against a front yard fence at an awkward angle. We alternately prayed (during a slip or slide) and praised aloud (when Darrell safely worked our way out of a slip or slide), and I held on for dear life. Very exciting! It was a relief to round that last corner and see our own porch light shining in the distance! However, we only made it about six feet off the road into our 40-foot driveway, where our van remains stuck and covered with snow as of this writing.

On Friday afternoon my brave husband fired up our old 1982 4WD Ford pickup (which takes 20 minutes to warm up and, by the way, has no working heater). Between storms he made his way to the little market in Castle Rock for supplies needed to ride out the storm(s). We were out of the basic staples – ice cream (don’t laugh!), bread, milk, eggs, and (last but definitely NOT least) toilet paper! Now, I can make bread and can get along quite comfortably without milk or eggs (even ice cream), but TP…, uh, I don’t THINK so! Our septic system would NOT appreciate pages from a Sears catalog (and besides, we don't have a catalog)!

Here’s a side note: Our pastor called Saturday afternoon to let us know that Sunday services had been canceled because of the weather. Pastor Dan said he had never canceled a service in his career, so this was a first. However, it was a moot point for us, since we can’t get out of our driveway, anyway.

I’ve talked to my brother a couple of times since we’ve been home. He sounded so good when we talked on Saturday morning, even after having an Avastin infusion (one of his chemo meds) on Friday. He said he had no energy (one of the side effects), but his speech was so good and we had a good (albeit brief) visit. He wanted to know how much snow we had gotten, among other things.

We aren’t doing much of anything for Christmas. We talked about putting up a tree, but with all of the little ornaments that our kids have hung on our tree year after year, including ones they made with their own little hands as children, I just don’t think I could handle it this year. We’ve bought a few little gifts for our grandkids and will deliver them when the weather permits, but I think that’s about all we’ll do. I bought myself a new (inexpensive) printer as a gift to myself. We really have need of nothing, so gifts aren’t a priority between the two of us. Jesus is our best gift - He gives himself to us anew every day. Praise Him for that! And He is the healer of broken hearts, so we have that promise, as well.

Have a blessed Christmas with your family, and a peaceful and happy new year.

Love you all!

XOXO


MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Isaiah 9:6-7 (TLB)

Thank you, Lord, for the Gift of All Gifts!

“For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulders. These will be His royal titles: Wonderful, Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

“His ever-expanding, peaceful government will never end. He will rule with perfect fairness and justice from the throne of his father David. He will bring true justice and peace to all the nations of the world.”

Just when we thought..., Chapter 2

Hi, again!

This will be a lot more fun to report than yesterday's news. We went late this morning to Vallejo to visit my brother. We arrived at the hospital about 12:30 and found him sitting up in a chair eating watermelon and drinking from a juicebox. He was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and we were able to actually have a conversation with him. What a difference from the grave situation of yesterday!

This current problem is unrelated to the brain cancer, except that some of the medications he is taking have caused him some pretty serious gastric issues, which were the primary source of his pain. In retrospect, my sis and I have wondered whether God allowed the gastric troubles to develop so that they would run the tests that uncovered the blood clots. Otherwise, he could have died from the blood clots and we might never have even known that there was a problem till it was too late. Thank goodness for an excrutiating gut ache! God certainly works in mysterious ways.

Dick isn't out of the woods by any means, but they have resolved the gastric issues and are dealing with the blood clots, which is still an extremely serious problem. At least now they know about the problem and can address it. We are so thankful that he's feeling better.

Once again, thanks for hanging in there with us and for your faithful prayers.

XOXO


TODAY I DO HAVE A TEXT: Psalm 9:1-2, 9-10 (NIV)

"I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High."

"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you Lord have never forsaken those who seek you."

Just when we thought...

Hi, everyone. Well, so much for the good news. You know, I thought to myself when I was telling you how great Dick was doing that maybe our rejoicing was a little premature. Not that my faith was weak, I just know how things go sometimes.

Dick had another "double-whammy" chemo infusion last Friday, which always sends him into a bit of a tailspin for a few days, but he always comes out of it and eventually feels tons better. He felt pretty rocky through the weekend, and still wasn't feeling well on Monday. He went to bed Monday afternoon and wouldn't come out of the bedroom the rest of the day. He begged Nancy to stay home with him on Tuesday, but she was unable to get a substitute to take her classroom. So she went to school at the regular time that morning and was able to come home just after 9 a.m. He never did feel well enough to get out of bed on Tuesday and pretty much spent the whole day there.

When it was obvious that Dick was feeling even worse on Wednesday, Nancy arranged to spend the day at home. She contacted the Dr. who advised us to take him to ER, but Dick refused to go. By Wednesday evening, he was writhing in pain and Nancy's son (a home health nurse) dropped by and assessed the situation. He was able to convince Dick to go to Emergency. He was so sick we knew we couldn't get him into the car, so we had him taken just down the hill to St. Helena Hospital by ambulance. They ran some tests and admitted him that evening. At that point he hadn't eaten or drunk anything of significance for nearly two days. Among other things, we're pretty sure he was severely dehydrated.

The Emergency Room tests showed that he had blood clots in his right leg and multiple clots in both lungs, which they felt were possibly the source of the excrutiating pain. They kept him on high doses of heavy-duty pain medication throughout the night at St. Helena. On Thursday evening he was transferred by ambulance to Kaiser in Vallejo, where he is now. Nancy spent the night with him at Kaiser.

We went this morning to Vallejo to visit Dick and take poor Nancy some clean clothes and some other things she needed. She reported that they had a horrific exhausting night, and that Dick had developed a low-grade fever. They haven't determined what's causing the fever. He seems extremely disoriented and confused, and we can no longer blame it on the pain meds, since they are no longer giving those to him. It's more than a little frightening to consider why that may be happening.

We stayed with Dick while Nancy went to her son's home to take a shower and get a few minutes rest. Dick's daughter arrived to spend some time with her dad. She said, "Hi, Dad." He didn't open his eyes, but he called out her name and grabbed for her hand, gripping it tightly for a few moments. A couple of tears rolled down his cheeks, - He seemed so pleased to know that she was there.

While Nancy was gone, they took Dick for an ultrasound to check for gallstones. We left the hospital just before 4 p.m. and he still hadn't come back to his room after the ultrasound. We may have to wait until after the weekend to learn the results, since they haven't given us any clue about what they found. We would love it to be something fairly simple and benign like gallstones, but fear it could be something much more serious. He looked so frail and helpless lying there.

So... Just when we thought things were looking up, we crashed and burned. But, not to worry, our faith is strong. We know God is still on His throne. Please let your prayer warriors know of this new crisis and ask them to lift Dick up to the Great Physician.

I love you all!

Too tired to choose a text tonight. Please forgive! XOXO

Thanksgiving and other delights

We just got back to Dick's after spending two weeks at home for Thanksgiving. We flew home on November 22 and got back yesterday, December 3. The time at home was so great, but went by so quickly. I spent the first couple of days just vegging out. Darrell & I did some fun shopping at our favorite thrift stores, and did the necessary shopping for our family's Thanksgiving dinner items. We always have our holiday dinner on the Saturday after Thanksgiving day. It's just easier when your kids are grown and have inlaws - a whole lot less stressful for everyone. Not to mention the fact that turkeys and trimmings are often on sale the day after Thanksgiving!

Our dinner this year was a little bittersweet - so much sadness and strife going on in the family right now, with our daughter's ugly divorce and the fact that we aren't even certain where our son is these days. It does tend to take the glint off the holiday glow. Christmas will likely be more of the same. However, we decided not to let the negative circumstances steal our joy. We were thankful and treasured the company of the loved ones who were there with us. We enjoyed a wonderful day with Darrell's brother, our daughter and her four kids, my mom and my sis. There were ten of us around our table and we had a blessed time together.

I have to tell you about something I did the week before we left to go home for Thanksgiving. Remember the story I told about the sweet girl I met on the plane a few weeks ago who had lost her father-in-law to suicide? Well, I was almost haunted remembering her sweet, sad face as we talked during the flight. The Holy Spirit kept pestering me about getting in touch with her (But Lord, I don't even know her last name!). So I finally gave in and did a little online sleuthing. I found the Dad's obituary in the Oregonian - His was the only death listed on the date in question. So now I had a last name for Leah. Then I searched further and actually found an address and phone number for her and her husband, Chris.

I bought a couple of cards that I felt might be appropriate (it's not easy to find a card that fits when someone has taken their own life!), but it took four days before I had the courage to actually get one sent in the mail to her. I prayed for a very long time before composing a note to enclose with the card. I worried that Leah might think I was a weird stalker or something, but I mailed the card and held my breath.

On Saturday morning before we left for the airport to fly home, I made one last check of my email, and there it was - a message whose subject was simply, "Wow!" and it was from Leah! I burst into tears when I saw her name, and opened her message. She was so precious and very impressed that I had gone to the effort to search and actually identify and find her last name and then to find her address. She shared in detail what the family is going through - the unending questions and the digging for answers. It's heartbreaking to hear, but I was so encouraged that she opened up to me and didn't regard me as some kind of weirdo. Thank you for your prayers for Leah and her family. This holiday season will be a particularly hard time for them, I'm sure.

Now for the really encouraging news: My brother is doing so well, and we are so thrilled. This new chemo combination seems to really be helping him. He's feeling so much better, his speech has improved and he walks totally without dragging his right foot (until the end of the day when he's tired). We don't know if this is the beginning of a healing miracle or just that the medicine is temporarily shrinking the tumor. Either way, it's truly a miracle and we are rejoicing - so thankful that his symptoms have improved, even if that's all it is. Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

Another new development: While we were at home Dick & Nancy got two new darling baby kitties. Well, they actually aren't babies - more like young teenagers. "The boys," as they refer to them, are such a blessing - therapy kitties, in reality. What a kick in the pants to watch them attack and roll around, wrestling, kicking and play-biting. Their names are Fritzie and Charlie (actually, Charlotte, but I just can't bring myself to call a boy kitty Charlotte - My brother's wacky idea!). At any rate, they are precious and everyone adores them both.

I am so thankful for each of you who faithfully reads my ramblings and is out there pulling for us and praying every day. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

I love you all!
XOXO

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Psalm 118:23-24, 29 (LB)

This is the Lord's doing, and it is marvelous to see. This is the day that the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is so Good! For his lovingkindness is forever.

Time Marches On

It's been more than a week since I sat myself down at my laptop and shared some thoughts with y'all. How does the time slip away from me like this?

Thankfully, Dick has been feeling better for the past few days. Of course, he had another infusion treatment today, which usually knocks the props out from under him a bit. He was pretty pooped when he and Nancy got home around 5:00 this evening. He pretty much headed for the couch and crashed. He slept for almost 3 hours before he woke up to eat a bite. Unfortunately, he gets to feeling better just in time for another treatment - a complaint registered by many cancer patients undergoing chemo.

The other night just after everyone went to bed, we were lounging in our beds chatting and reading. We heard conversation from across the hall in Dick & Nancy's bedroom, and then we heard my brother crying. I decided to eavesdrop a little, and heard my brother say, "I think Joylin (his daughter) will take it the hardest. You (Nancy) are ready because you're here every day, but not Joylin. And she's my 'girlie.'" He went on to say that he wants Nancy to tell his children and hers that he loves them and he's their Dad. (More crying and tears.) And then he said, "Oh well, it's just one step closer to heaven."

I was already crying, and that sent me into body-shaking sobs. Wow! Think about it. What must it be like to face the stark reality of your own mortality every single day. Sometimes I sit and look at him and wonder what's going through his mind. I know he thinks about it, but hearing him say it really drives it home!

So, tomorrow we fly home for Thanksgiving. We are leaving Dick & Nancy's around 10 a.m. and will have lunch in Sacramento with our cousin, Sam. He will take us to the airport around 3:30 and we'll leave my sister's car at his house. We'll have it there to drive home when we fly back on December 3.

Holidays are not as jubilant and happy as they once were. Sandi's family is broken apart, and her children are suffering so horribly, and acting out. Steven has moved to another job location - we have no idea where he is. A couple of months ago he told me he was heading for California, but has told his wife he's working in Kansas. Trust me, it's no fun for a Mom not to know where her child is - Dad isn't enjoying it all that much, either! Susan and family are scheduled to have Thanksgiving with Joe's family this year, so we lose on that front.

Enough whining, already! We have so much to be thankful for, and in spite of everything God has been so faithful and so good. And we will treasure the time we have with those of our loved ones who are able to be with us to give thanks.

I love you all!
XOXO

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (KJV)

In every thing give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. (Notice it says in every thing, not everything - There's a difference!)

From The Message:

Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This the way God wants you, who belong to Christ Jesus, to live.

Another interesting day

Today was interesting, to say the least. We were sitting around this morning still in our PJ's enjoying a leisurely breakfast and a cup of coffee when the doorbell rang. Yup, I went to the door in my nightgown. There at the door was Nancy's cleaning lady, Bertha, ready to report for duty. She called on Tuesday (her usual cleaning day) to say that she would not be here to clean until Thursday afternoon. Needless to say, we were not expecting her at zero-dark-thirty in the morning - OK, it was only 8:30, but REALLY!

Bertha is a precious Mexican lady (probably in her forties) who barely speaks English, so that may have been part of the problem. At any rate, she started in the back of the house (the bathrooms, of all things!), so that precluded any opportunity to grab a shower and get dressed. My sis WAS actually able to sneak to the shower while Bertha cleaned the other bathroom, but sadly, I didn't make it.

Here's the complication. I had promised Nancy I would make a batch of cookies this morning. The 5th and 6th graders at the school where she teaches kindergarten had plans to "surprise" us by coming in the afternoon to rake the leaves in my brother's gigantic front yard. This yard has a buzzillion good-sized oak trees who are shedding their clothes for the winter. We wanted to offer a plate of homemade cookies to thank the kids for making us their "community service" learning experience.

So, at 8:45 a.m. I fired up the oven and hurriedly created a batch of Tollhouse cookies (from the recipe on the Nestle chocolate chip package - Yummmmm!). I've never made speedier cookies in my life. You see, I had to get the cookies in and out of the oven before Bertha finished cleaning in the back of the house and came to clean in the front part of the house where the kitchen lives. Whew! So, with the help of my sweet sister, I threw together the ingredients and got those cookies baked, cooled and artfully arranged on a pretty glass plate by 9:30! Please don't ask me to repeat it - ever! I know I couldn't do it again, no way! And in my nightie, too! I mean, there was no chance to get dressed. So there I was. I finally showered and dressed just after 10:30. It was like a comedy ballet, all that juggling and tap-dancing to try and stay out of Bertha's hair and stay on schedule!

The kids (fifteen 11 & 12 year-olds) did a great job. They filled a good-sized trailer with leaves, and the yard looks spectacular. Oh, and the cookies - they were a smashing success (I sneaked and ate a couple - they WERE good!

The blessing of today was that it was sunny and beautiful (low 70's) - what a contrast to the weather we're hearing about back in the Northwest, particularly the Oregon & Washington coast areas. In fact, a story from Tillamook (which happened on a road where we once lived) made the national news today. We saw it this morning on the "Today" show, of all things. The story is that a car with a mom and three kids drove off the road into the water when she was unable to determine where the road was under the floodwaters. Praise God, they were all safely rescued. All they lost was their car, which can be replaced!

My brother had another chemo treatment last Friday, and has been pretty miserable so far this week. He has developed a painful, itchy rash from one of his anti-seizure meds. We are trying to interest him and Nancy in looking into a treatment program in the LA area that treats brain tumors (and other cancers) with hyperthermia (heat). The level of heat used causes damage to the cancer cells and compromises their blood supply, but doesn't harm normal cells. Dick & Nancy are reticent to pursue it, so we need your prayers in that regard. There are clinical trials using this treatment program at Duke University, so it sounds legitimate. I'll share more on this later when we have more information.

In the meantime, take good care of yourselves and stay close to Him - I love you all!
XOXO

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Isaiah 43:1-3 (New Living Translation)
What a beautiful promise!

1 “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.
2 "When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
3 "For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."

Just when you thought...

Hi, everyone:

At 9:15 on Sunday morning my husband dropped me off in front of Southwest Airlines at PDX. My flight didn't leave till 12:05, but we wanted hubby to be able to make it back home in time to get to church. I took a book to read and bought myself an omelet at one of the high-priced airport eateries inside the security gates.

At 11:30 they began boarding my flight bound for Sacramento, San Diego, and on to Phoenix. I was in the "B" group, which meant they boarded a couple of groups ahead of mine (the wheelchair gang and the families with kids, besides the "A" group). I chose a middle seat (which I do NOT prefer!) in Row 4 between a man about my age in the aisle seat and a young woman seated near the window. She looked to be in her early thirties.

The flight attendants went through their safety information routine and took our beverage orders. We were even given a choice between pretzels or peanuts! My seatmates and I sat in silence during the first half of the 80-minute flight. The man to my left kept fiddling with his i-Phone (it was probably new?), and the young woman just stared out the window - there was really nothing to see, just the fluffy clouds that covered the west coast. She finally spoke to me when the flight attendants came back down the aisle to pick up our empty beverage cups and peanut (pretzel?) bags.

"Where are you headed?" she asked me. We introduced ourselves (her name is Leah) and I told her I was headed to Sacramento. She asked if I live there. I said no, and went into the whole story of how I had been home for a short visit, that I am spending time with my brother right now who has terminal brain cancer - certain that my story is one of the saddest there is to be told.

She was very sweet and empathetic, and I asked her some of the same questions she had asked me. She told me she was heading home to the San Diego area and had been with family in Beaverton after her husband's dad died unexpectedly last week. She went on to say that her father-in-law had taken his own life on Tuesday after receiving a 24-hour eviction notice in conjunction with the foreclosure of his home. In going through things they found stacks of unpaid bills that had been piling up for weeks. Dad had shared none of this with his wife and she was totally sheltered and clueless that there were serious financial problems. He had managed to keep it from her, even though he had been out of work for more than two years. His suicide plan was well laid out and organized. It had obviously been contemplated for some time (he had purchased a handgun in August). The eviction notice was, no doubt, the catalyst which brought his plan to fruition.

I was speechless (unusual for me). I grabbed her hand and held it, and when I caught my breath, I asked if the family were believers with their faith to lean on during this awful time. She said no, her husband's dad was a gruff, difficult and distant man who loudly professed to be an atheist. The wife, a quiet, submissive woman with a personality capable of being shielded from the stark reality faced by their family. Ironically, the final comment in Dad's suicide note said, "God bless you all."

Leah told me she was raised in the Catholic church and has a strong faith, as does her husband. We continued to chat till we got off the airplane (I finally let go of her hand), and I told her a little about my own faith and said I would certainly be praying for her and her family. She thanked me and we parted. It's unlikely that I'll ever see her again, but I will remember that 80-minute flight for a very long time!

Just when you think you are totally in the depths of the pit and your situation is as awful and as heartwrenching as it could get... At least we know that even if we lose Dick, we'll see him again someday when we're all together in heaven. And it's still horrible, sad, and intensely painful to stand by and watch him suffer and deteriorate a little every day. Hearing a sadder story in no way mitigates that! But it IS so comforting to have the assurances we have as believers, and that we have "The Comforter" with us every moment. It's still hard to bear, and I'm still sometimes worn down by all of it, but knowing He is there beside me definitely helps to make it bearable.

I love you all - so much! Please pray for Leah.

MY TEXT FOR TODAY (I just had to use it again!): Revelation 7:17 (The Message)

14-17 Then he told me, "These are those who come from the great tribulation, and they've washed their robes, scrubbed them clean in the blood of the Lamb. That's why they're standing before God's Throne. They serve him day and night in his Temple. The One on the Throne will pitch his tent there for them: no more hunger, no more thirst, no more scorching heat. The Lamb on the Throne will shepherd them, will lead them to spring waters of Life. And God will wipe every last tear from their eyes."

FROM "NEW LIVING TRANSLATION:"
14 Then he said to me, “These are the ones who died in the great tribulation. They have washed their robes in the blood of the Lamb and made them white.
15 “That is why they stand in front of God’s throne and serve him day and night in his Temple. And He who sits on the throne will give them shelter.
16 They will never again be hungry or thirsty; they will never be scorched by the heat of the sun.
17 For the Lamb on the throne will be their Shepherd. He will lead them to springs of life-giving water. And God will wipe every tear from their eyes.”

FROM "TODAY'S NIV:"
Then one of the elders asked me, "These in white robes—who are they, and where did they come from?"
14 I answered, "Sir, you know." And he said, "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.
15 Therefore, they are before the throne of God and serve Him day and night in his temple; and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them.
16 'Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat down on them, nor any scorching heat.
17 For the Lamb at the center before the throne will be their shepherd; 'He will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.' "

Where have I been??

I know you must wonder where in the world I've been hiding, since there've been no updates in over a week. Actually, I'm blogging from my own dining room right now. Last weekend some long-time friends of our family, Ron & Kristina (Dick's friends and ours), came to Dick's for the weekend. Ron is like a son to Dick & Nancy, and we have all fallen in love with his darling wife, Kristina, and their extremely bright and adorable 3-year old son, A.J., who is crazy about his Grandpa Dick and Grandma Nancy.



Ron & Kristina arrived last Thursday afternoon, so I was preoccupied visiting with them through the weekend. On Saturday evening I decided on a whim to ask if I could ride home with them to spend a few days with my poor lonely hubby. Actually, my husband almost begged me to come home, and I couldn't resist, although I have felt extremely guilty about leaving my sis & mom behind. I am flying back to California this coming Sunday at noon, and my sweet sister and Mom are driving all the way in to Sacramento airport to fetch me. The time at home has been a wonderful break (has gone by so quickly), but while at home I have that nagging yucky little anxious feeling in my tummy. When I'm home, I miss being there with Dick and everyone, and when I'm there, I desperately miss my husband, who has been so unbelievably sweet and supportive. Sometimes it feels somewhat like a no-win situation, but I want to be with my brother. We don't know how much time we have with him.



I may have already mentioned this - Dick had several really difficult days after his October 10 chemo infusion. He was so exhausted, and in general felt just plain lousy. Then that Wednesday afternoon he came to his bedroom door after taking a nap and said, "Hey, watch this!" and proceeded to walk across the living room almost completely normally - no limp, no foot-dragging gait. His speech seemed better, too, although it was still a struggle. He said he felt a lot better, and even tried to use his right hand a little. The improvement only lasted a few days, but we were encouraged that the Avastin may have shrunk the tumor some.



The week that Ron & Kristina came Dick was still feeling pretty decent, and had another Avastin infusion on Friday, the 24th. On the Thursday prior to that, we went next door to visit the chickens. Dick was watching them peck and scratch, and he said, "I want chickens... next spring..." He couldn't finish, and he began to cry. He wants to be around next spring to raise some chickens of his own, but fears he'll be gone by then. I just held him and he, my sis and I all three cried. It's so heartbreaking - we can't offer him any assurance that he'll still be with us next spring. But, you know what - none of us knows whether we'll be here next spring. We only have today, this moment - nothing more. No one does! But it is so frightening to have a disease that threatens any longevity we might have as humans living on this old earth. I can only imagine the things that must run through Dick's mind when he's alone with his thoughts. It's sobering to contemplate!



On Friday, Ron spent the day doing some tasks around the house for Dick & Nancy. He built a section of the back yard fence that had been left unfinished. He fashioned and installed some wonderful brackets for the front porch wrought-iron railings to make them sturdy as new (no more wobbling!), installed the new microwave over the kitchen stove, and put beautiful new handles on two of the three glass sliding doors that exit from the back of the house.



We ladies were not even the tiniest bit disturbed by all of Ron's pounding and grinding. We just rested, hung out and chatted a mile a minute while we watched A.J. play on the carpet with his toys (what a sweet, smart boy he is!). On Friday afternoon my sis & I took A.J. on a long enjoyable walk where we searched for giant acorns and pine cones. Then on Saturday we all took a walk to feed some slightly-wrinkled apples to the horses who live just around the corner. Nancy brought Dick in the car, and he helped feed apples to the horses - very enjoyable.



On Sunday morning I had set my alarm for 5 a.m. Now, you need to know something. This is a brand new little atomic clock, and I've never tried using the alarm function. Of course, I had everything totally ready on Saturday night so I wouldn't disturb anyone else in the house as I dressed and got ready to leave. Unfortunately, when I got up Sunday morning I thought for sure I had turned off the alarm, but had merely "snoozed" it. It rang it's highly-annoying "bee-bee-beep, bee-bee-beep" every 10 minutes during the half hour I was down the hall in the bathroom getting ready to leave (and NOBODY could figure out how to turn the darned thing off!). So much for trying to be quiet and keep from bothering anyone! My mom & sister are VERY patient women! Myself, I have zero sense of humor at 5 a.m. At any rate, Ron, Kristina, A.J. and I left Dick's house just after 5:30 a.m. and arrived at their house in Vancouver at 5:15 Sunday evening. The weather was beautiful and we made excellent time, even with several potty breaks along the way and meal stops in Redding and Grants Pass.



I've talked to my sis nearly every day since I left, and she tells me Dick is about the same, but has become very discouraged and seems to be losing hope. Although they seem to be carrying on the daily routine quite well without me, I know they'll be glad to have me back. I don't feel like I do a whole lot there, but my sis and I are joined at the hip - we function better in these situations when we're together, and we much prefer it that way!

Till next time...
XOXO



MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Matthew 6:33-34

LIVING BIBLE: Your heavenly father already knows [what you need]. So don't be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow, too. Live one day at a time!

NIV: But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today.

Here it is Friday... again!

The past couple of days have been like living on a yo-yo! We've been up, and we've been down. I mentioned that Tuesday was a tough day. Well, on Wednesday morning when I awoke, I heard some kind of kafuffle going on in the living room. A few minutes later, Mom told me that Dick was in quite a "mood" already, so early in the morning. He nearly had my sister in tears before the day had barely begun. However, we agreed that a little sassy is better than nearly catatonic.

Later that morning he told us how well he felt and proudly showed us how well he could walk. His speech even seemed a little better. He and my sis ventured next door to take some table scraps to the neighbor's six little laying hens. He decided one chicken in particular should be named Maude, so Maude she is! Another one's comb sorta droops over one eye in kind of a sultry way - I think she should be called Tallulah (as in Bankhead, if you're old enough to have heard of her), who wore her hair draped over one eye. They are so funny and so cute, scratching the dirt, pecking at everything and singing their little chickie "buck-buck-buduck" tunes. I love it! And the free eggs the neighbors share with us don't hurt, either!

Then came Thursday. Dick was actually still feeling good, but our joy was tempered by the fact that one of their two kitties (named Olivia and Syrah) was not doing well. Syrah, whom they've had for almost 13 years since she was a baby kitten, was having obvious difficulty breathing. We knew she wasn't doing well, because she had refused to eat for more than four days - not a good sign. As the morning wore on, she became worse and we consulted with Dick and Nancy, and all of us agreed it was "time." So we gently put Syrah into the pet carrier to head for the kitty doctor's.

When we arrived at the vet's, we had to wait for nearly 45 minutes before they could examine the kitty, who remained quiet and still in the carrier. The doctor a wonderful caring and gentle lady, held Syrah and stroked her, listening to her breathing and her heart. She assured us we had made the right decision - she was in obvious respiratory distress, jaundiced, and so weak. She cuddled the kitty to her chest and took her into another room right then and there to take care of what we knew had to be done. She asked my sis and I if we wanted to be in the room with her during her last moments, and we both started to cry. I said, definitely not! The LAST thing we need right now is to stand and watch something precious breathe its last - No thanks! I've seen quite enough suffering, thank you!

So that was a sad ending to the day. But it was the right thing to do. Hard to understand and wrap your head around! Once again we are reminded that this earth, with all of its sadness and heartache, is not our home. What do people do if they don't have the hope of living forever in a place where there's nothing but happiness and joy - all day, every day!

Love you all!

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Isaiah 55:8-11 (The Message)

I don't think the way you think. The way you work isn't the way I work. God's Decree. For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think. Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don't go back until they've watered the earth, doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry. So will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed. They'll do the work I sent them to do, they'll complete the assignment I gave them.

Here it is again from the New Living Translation:
My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the Lord. And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.

Midweek Musings

One day seems to almost blend into another sometimes. I had to write the date on a check today, and I had no idea what the date was. Although, we did talk this morning about the fact that today is my maternal grandma's birthday (she would be 110 - wow!). So, maybe I did actually know what day it was, after all.

It's been quite a week already. Dick had his chemo treatment on Friday (first one with the new medication mixture). We expected him to come home from chemo like a wet noodle, but he actually did quite well. However, it didn't last. By Sunday he felt pretty rotten and it was downhill after that until today. He had this vacant stare, and seemed to have just "checked out." You could ask him a question, and he sometimes didn't even acknowledge that you had spoken. And he slept most of the time.

Yesterday was a really tough day. I asked if he was ready for lunch, and he said, I guess so. Then I offered several menu choices, and he said, "Whatever - it doesn't matter." He was just gone - no reaction to anything - just this vacant stare out into space. We were pretty discouraged. But this morning he seemed a bit brighter and better. First thing this morning he got a little cranky about the remote for the fireplace (which heats the house). He was pressing all the right buttons, but nothing was happening, and he was still cold and irritated. (We learned later in the day that the batteries in the remote were dead.) With his angry reaction to the dead remote, we happily said, "He's back!" Even a cranky reaction is better than stonefaced indifference.

Breakfast was encouraging - he wanted to try, and he fixed his own bowl of granola. He even poured his own milk. I carried the full cereal bowl to his little table beside his spot on the couch, but he did a really good job preparing his own cereal. And has gotten quite good at eating with his left hand (a real feat for a total and complete right-hander)!

At lunch, once again he couldn't get the TV remote to work, then dropped his sandwich (egg salad, no less) into his lap, and just lost it. He squished a piece of the sandwich in his fist and said, 'It's all I can do not to..." I told him "It's OK to be frustrated, Dick, we understand. Deep breaths, deep breaths - Don't worry, we'll fix it!" Then he started to cry, and attempted to apologize - heartbreaking! I told him I can only imagine his frustration - think about it!! You can't speak to express yourself, and your body won't function the way it should.

We cleaned things up, made a fresh sandwich, and started over. Then during his nap, we discovered - guess what! The batteries in the TV remote were dead, too! An easy fix, and hopefully this will make things easier for him tomorrow. I know it sounds like a small thing, but the TV remote is the absolute only thing he has left where he has even the tiniest bit of control, so it is of some importance!

A bright note for today: I went to the dentist and had my broken front tooth fixed today. I don't have to hide my smile any more. My brother has mentioned that tooth several times since I've been here, and yesterday I decided to do it for him, and made an appointment for this afternoon. I even told the dentist and her staff why I had decided to have the tooth repaired. One of the other staff members stuck her head in the treatment room where I was in the dental chair (hanging upside-down by my ankles). She said, "I heard your story and just had to poke my head in." About that time, the dentist had completed her work and handed me a mirror to see the finished product. They all agreed my smile was beautiful, and my brother was thrilled (and very touched that I had done this for him - he cried)! Now I want to surprise my husband with my new smile, so don't tell him, OK.

With all of you holding me up, and God at my side, I just keep on keeping on! Thanks for praying and for caring.

XO

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Phil. 4:13 (I know I've used this before, but I need it again!)

I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.

Whew - made it through another week!

What a week! I hardly know where to begin, so I'll just start at the beginning.

Monday was Dick's Dr. appointment to get the results of the Sept. 29 MRI. Just as we expected, the news wasn't good. The tumor has nearly doubled in size since the mid-June MRI. This was no surprise, since his symptoms continue to increase. We all had lunch together at one of Dick's favorite restaurants in Fairfield before the appointment, and then went our separate ways. We ladies did some shopping and Dick & Nancy went to visit with his oncologist.

Tuesday was an awful day. I awoke hearing my brother crying in the next room. He had spilled an entire bowl of cereal in his lap and all over the couch, and was so distraught. My sister and Mom were helping to clean up the mess, and he sat weeping at the other end of the couch. And the day went downhill after that. It was sad, too, because it was Nancy's birthday.

Later at lunchtime Dick was having extreme difficulty figuring out which buttons to press to use the TV remote (they have DirecTV and it takes an technological degree to use the remote - It has a buzzillion buttons and is VERY complicated). He tried and tried and TRIED, and we asked if we could help, but no. He had made up his mind he would conquer that darned remote himself - but without success! Finally, in absolute frustration he threw the remote across the room and hobbled to his bedroom. Later he tearfully attempted to apologize to us for losing his temper . We just loved him up and assured him that his frustration is totally understandable. He consistently does remarkably well at putting up with all the frustrating assaults to his dignity. I know I couldn't do half as well!

Wednesday was some better, but we were on pins and needles constantly on the alert to be ready to grab the remote and figure out where he wanted to go with it before he got too frustrated. It's bad enough not to be able to speak the words formed in your thoughts that your brain can't make your mouth verbalize. He's becoming a prisoner in his own skin - how awful for him! It gives me claustrophobia just to think about it.

Thursday was a tough day because he was especially weak and could barely walk at all. He loves to visit and take treats (table scraps) to the six little hens that live next door, and he loves to cuddle with the two yappy little Chihuahuas that live there, too. My sister took him to see the chickens and practically had to carry him there and back. It isn't far, but he was exhausted and his right foot just wouldn't work. That may well have been his last visit to the chix and pups next door. It seems like every day he's forced to give up something more.

Today was chemo day. Dick & Nancy left the house at 8 a.m. for a 9:30 infusion appointment in Vallejo. We got a call at 1:30 this afternoon saying they had just begun the infusion, delayed all morning by lab tests and paperwork. We were concerned that the long day and the effects of the medicine might be disastrous, but (praise God!) he was in good spirits when they got home, and didn't seem to suffer much in the way of side effects from the chemo. Again, PRAISE GOD!

They are trying a new conglomeration of chemo medications which we hope will shrink the tumor and give him a little more time with us. We have also learned that they are conducting clinical trials for a brain cancer vaccine, of all things, that extends the survival time for brain cancer patients. We are going to look into that to see if he could possibly participate in a clinical trial for the vaccine.

The exciting thing at the end of the day was that there's a huge wildfire burning just a couple of miles from my brother's house. Dick & Nancy encountered the fire trucks on their way up Howell Mountain heading home. There were huge scary flames leaping from along the roadside licking at their car (a little convertible with a full gas tank!). The fire was started by a truck that had accidently run off the road at a sharp hairpin curve. The last we heard (breaking news) one home has already been consumed and folks are being evacuated. We have each packed a little bag with a change of clothes, clean underwear, our prescription meds, and our laptops are ready at the door to grab on our way out, in case we have to evacuate. Google "Napa Valley wildfire" and see what you get. We aren't afraid, but we want to be ready, just in case.

So... It's been an extremely stressful and intense week. I told my daughter that I fall into bed each night like a wet noodle. I'm exhausted, and then I don't sleep well! But I'm not complaining. This is where I need to be - where I want to be. We are definitely needed here. Without our help, Nancy would either have to quit her job or hire someone to stay with Dick all day while she is working (which they could NOT afford). And there are even tougher times ahead - we are fully aware of that. Dear Lord, please give us the strength to face whatever lies ahead!

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: James 1:12, 16-18 (The Message Bible)

"Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life."

"So my very dear friends, don't get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures."

Of good tears and sad tears

Wow! I don't when I've shed so many tears in one afternoon - some good tears and some sad ones. I've heard a story somewhere that God saves our tears in a bottle and presents them back to us as jewels when we receive our crowns in heaven. It's just a story, but I know God sees our tears. One of my favorite songs says, "Tears are a language God understands. He sees the tears of the brokenhearted soul. He sees my tears, and hears them when they fall."

I cried because I talked to my son today - on his 37th birthday - after almost five months of no communication with him whatsoever. I called him this afternoon and was brokenhearted when he didn't answer. I left him a tearful birthday voicemail, but had no expectation that he would return my call. He did! Less than an hour later he called me at my brother's phone number that had shown up on caller ID. Then I shed a gallon of good tears - tears of joy for hearing from him after all these long months, tears of sadness for the circumstances that exist between him and his little family, and tears of thankfulness for the precious gift of that little baby boy 37 years ago today.

I cried because I heard a song that reminded me how much I miss the sweet group of people I made music with for the many years we praised the Lord together. The song was "Gentle Shepherd," that we have sung together so many, many times. And believe me, we need the Gentle Shepherd to lead us, to come and feed us, and help us find our way!

I cried with my brother as he sat and wept as he listened to some wonderful gospel music that touched his heart talking of heaven and Jesus' precious gift. I went and sat beside him and just hugged him and held his sweet hand as we cried together through the song.

I cried because my once strong, confident brother can no longer hold a spoon or a glass of milk in his hand. Because his right foot was so numb this morning that he nearly collapsed and fell down in the kitchen as he poured his cereal into a bowl. Because of the utter and desperate frustration on his face as he tried to think of the word "appliance," and it just would NOT come.

Won't it be wonderful when there is no more sorrow, no more tears, no more sadness, no more pain or disease or death. I am looking forward to that day!

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Rev. 21:2-6

And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them as their God; they will be his people, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away."

And the one who was seated on the throne said, "See, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this, for these words are trustworthy and true." Then he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give water as a gift from the spring of the water of life. Those who conquer will inherit these things, and I will be their God and they will be my children.

FROM "The Message:"

I saw Holy Jerusalem, new-created, descending resplendent out of Heaven, as ready for God as a bride for her husband. I heard a voice of thunder from the Throne: "Look! Look! God has moved into the neighborhood, making his home with men and women. They're his people, he's their God. He'll wipe away very tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good - tears gone, crying gone, pain gone -- all the first order of things gone." The Enthroned continued, "Look! I'm making everything new. Write it all down -- each word dependable and accurate.

Then he said, "It's happened. I'm A to Z. I'm the Beginning. I'm the Conclusion. From Water-of-Life will I give freely to the thirsty. Conquerors inherit all this. I'll be God to them, they'll be sons and daughters to me."

Thursday and counting

Hi, all:

Well, today was a rather intense day - another in a lengthy series. It started out pretty unremarkably (is that a real word?), but morphed into a day of quite another type. My sis-in-law's cleaning lady came today, so we wanted to stay out of her way while she worked. We went up to the backyard "plaza," as my mom calls it, and Dick built a fire. We sat around the fire reading the paper and just hangin' out, and after almost two hours, at about 11:30, my brother said, "She'll be here two more hours - We need an outing!" We asked if food would be involved and were told, yes, that would be part of it.

We went to Dick's favorite taqueria for lunch. They make a scrumptious veggie burrito the size of my head - I'm not kidding! I usually eat half one day and the second half the next day. I helped my brother order, since he has so much difficulty finding words. He wanted to order the burrito, but also wanted to add something. He struggled and struggled, trying to tell us what it was that he wanted. He said his eyes could see it, but he couldn't say the word. He finally gave up and said, "Just get whatever - it doesn't matter," and walked away. I stood there swallowing tears, trying not to make a scene and embarrass him even further. Wow! This is SO HARD, and we're just getting started with "hard!"

I find it so amazing that he could say that entire sentence, but could NOT tell me that he wanted the "chili relleno burrito," which we later learned from his wife. He kept saying, "It's a burrito in a burrito - a second thing, a second thing." I suggested a dozen things I read from the menu board, to no avail. Finally, I apologized for not being smart enough to figure out what he wanted. It was awful, and definitely stole the glint from the moment. He was pretty morose and quiet for the remainder of our "outing." The other sad thing is I had to cut up his burrito for him so he could eat it with the spoon we brought from home. He kept looking from side to side, checking to see if anyone noticed that he, a full-grown man, needed to have his food cut for him. So demoralizing - poor sweetie!

It turns out there was a reason he wanted to go on a outing. For several weeks he's been telling us that he wanted to buy a gold chain for Nancy so that she can wear his wedding ring on the chain. Sitting up there by the fire he had made up his mind that today was the day - he was going to buy the chain TODAY! And the timing is perfect. Nancy's birthday is next Tuesday, so no doubt he will give it to her as a birthday surprise.

A couple of our cousins have asked to come for a visit. We have seen the one cousin in the past few weeks (he lives in Sacramento, and we had lunch with him a couple of weeks ago). The other lives in the Medford area, and we haven't seen her for nearly two decades. She is driving down today to spend some time with Dick. We will all get together tomorrow for lunch and a good visit. We are a bit apprehensive about it, though, since Dick tires so easily and sometimes will have seizures when he gets overtired. And it's super stressful for him, since he's unable to participate in the conversations and the storytelling. They just want to be near him and love him up a little while we still have him with us. I just hope it doesn't wipe him out for the day and cause a giant seizure.

This afternoon while Dick napped, my sis and I dashed down the hill to the post office to pick up the mail and made a quick stop next door at the College Market to grab a couple of things we needed for dinner. We encountered one of Dick's neighbors, who asked us how things are going. We said, not good. She assured us that they are praying for all of us - healing and courage for Dick, and strength for all of us as we make this difficult journey. Again, how does anyone live through life's tough times trying to go it alone? Praise God, we aren't doing this alone! Thank you, Lord, and to you all for being there. It means SO MUCH!

XOXO


MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Isaiah 12:2-6 (NIV)

"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid, for the LORD GOD is my strength and my might; he has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. And you will say in that day: Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known his deeds among the nations; proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing praises to the LORD, for he has done gloriously; let this be known in all the earth. Shout aloud and sing for joy, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel."

NOW FROM "The Message:"
"Yes, indeed -- God is my salvation. I trust, I won't be afraid. God -- yes God! -- is my strength and my song, best of all, my salvation!

"Joyfully you'll pull up buckets of water from the wells of salvation. And as you do it, you'll say, 'Give thanks to God.' Call out his name. Ask him anything! Shout to the nations, tell them what he's done, spread the news of his great reputation!"

Back in California

Well, here we are back in california. I forced myself out of bed at 4:00 Monday morning and my hubby drove me to my sister's in Hillsboro. She and I left Hillsboro at 7 a.m. and arrived at my brother's in Angwin a few minutes before 7 p.m. last evening. We stopped in Salem for breakfast, fueled up in Grants Pass and ate a late lunch in Andersen (just south of Redding). The weather was beautiful and the trip was pleasant and uneventful.

The minute we walked in the door at my brother's we noticed things were different. Dick barely acknowledged our arrival and the spark in his eyes was gone. He has had a tough past few days - has almost totally lost the use of his right hand and his speech has greatly deteriorated. He struggles to say more than two consecutive words, and spoke only a few words the entire evening on Monday - it is obviously frustrating for him to even try. My sis and I were devastated at the decline. Later we were told that he had spilled an entire tumbler of iced tea on himself just a couple of hours before we arrived and had a major meltdown as a result. It's so horribly painful to admit to oneself that you're losing it, I mean REALLY losing it!

Monday morning before we arrived, Dick was attempting to pour himself a glass of milk, and poured it all over the counter (he uses milk to take one of his particularly nasty-tasting medications). He leaned his head against the fridge and wept - the progressive loss of the use of his right hand has been extremely difficult, since he is so completely right-handed. Poor baby has lost SO MUCH!

Monday afternoon Dick had an MRI, which will show the progression of the tumor (or lack thereof, if we could be that fortunate). We will get the results next Monday at his doctor's appointment. We continue to pray for a healing miracle, but are completely trusting in God's all-knowing love and mercy. But having said that, I have to say - this is NOT easy. Gut-wrenching doesn't begin to describe it.

The bright spot from today is that a long-time friend and co-worker of Dick's came by today to visit. I mean, these guys are hilarious together, even under the circumstances. They finish each other's sentences and exchange these knowing glances that only two close intimate friends can share. The friend asked if there were things he could do for us while he was here. What an angel! He was busy as a flea on a hot griddle all day. He helped to load two engines for a couple of guys who came to buy some of Dick's automotive treasures. He also cut up a giant pile of scrap wood that my sister and I then stacked onto a pallet. We'll use the wood for campfires in the firepit in the backyard. Dick loves a fire! We spend many hours reminiscing and just sitting quietly together, sometimes in the early morning, or on many evenings. We've made some fantastic memories together by the fire.

Would you believe I went off and left my Bible on the kitchen table at home where I had laid it when I got home from church on Sunday. I was afraid I had left it, and sure enough, when I unpacked my things today it wasn't there. My sweet husband says he'll head to the Post Office tomorrow and get it sent off to me. They have a dozen Bibles here, but you know how it is - I need my own Bible. I feel a little lost digging around in a Bible other than my own.

Thanks to all of you who have been faithful to suffer through my ramblings, and for your prayers without ceasing. I can't fathom how anyone could get through a situation of this type without having Jesus and precious friends and family to lean on. You are so dear to bear my burdens and walk this path with me and my family.

Love you all!
XOXO

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Proverbs 3:5-8 (The Message)

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil!

"Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life!"

Here it is again from the NIV:
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be a healing for your flesh and a refreshment for your body.

Thursday and heading home

So, here we are at Thursday again. The week has fairly flown. I guess that's the way of it, when you're busy, and we are.

Tuesday wasn't the best day. My poor brother could barely communicate at all. His speech problems were the worst we've seen so far. Yesterday we learned that he had a pretty siginificant seizure in the middle of the night on Monday night. I'm no doctor, but I'm guessing the seizure is probably connected to the increased problems with his speech the next day. The odd thing is, Tuesday he was able to walk without any limp and didn't scuff along with his right foot, as he sometimes does when his foot is super numb.

We dashed to town Tuesday afternoon to do some major grocery shopping in anticipation of being gone for ten days. Our hope is that they will be pretty well stocked up so that trips to store can be kept at a minimum while we're home for ten days.

Today was fun for us, but a little tiring for our brother. We met in Napa for lunch with a couple of our cousins who live in Sacramento. We have seen them only one other time, very briefly, in the past 20 years or more. These cousins are two of 5 siblings, the children of our Daddy's youngest sister. We had a great time reminiscing about old times and have decided it would be great to have a cousins reunion. We want to make it happen fairly soon while our brother is still able to enjoy our time together. Although, he says he is afraid he won't enjoy it very much, since he already has a difficult time participating in a conversation.

Tomorrow morning bright and early my sis and I will get in her car and head north to be at home with our hubbies until Monday, the 29th. Please pray for our safe journey as we travel there and back. We also pray for a double portion of God's presence to be here with our Mom and brother while we are away.

Thank you all for your love and prayers.

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Isaiah 40:11-17 (LB)
"He will feed his flock like a shepherd; he will carry the lambs in his arms and gently lead the ewes with young. Who else has held the oceans in his hands and measured off the heavens with his ruler? Who else knows the weight of all the earth and weighs the mountains and the hills?

"Who can advise the Spirit of the Lord or be his teacher, or give him counsel? Has he ever needed anyone's advice? DId he need instruction as to what is right and best? No, for all the peoples of the world are nothing in comparison with him--they are but a drop in the bucket, dust on the scales."

Here it is again from The Message Bible:
"Like a shepherd, he will care for his flock, gathering the lambs in his arms, hugging them as he carries them, leading the nursing ewes to good pasture

"Who has scooped up the ocean in his two hands, or measured the sky between thumb and little finger? Who has put all the earth's dirt in one of his baskets, weighed each mountain and hill? Who could ever have told God what to do or taught him his business? What expert would he have gone to for advice, what school would he attend to learn justice?

"What god do you suppose might have taught him what he knows, showed him how things work? Why, the nations are but a drop in the bucket, a mere smudge on a window. Watch him sweep up the islands like so much dust on the floor!"

Our God is VERY good and VERY big - Big enough to create and control the universe, yet small enough to live in my heart. I know I can trust in Him!

j.

Notes from Saturday

What a fantastic day! Coffee and breakfast, and then enjoyed gospel music videos (Gaither Vocal Band and Signature Sound Quartet) for a couple of hours. Then my sis-in-law said, "Let's read your verse for today." I hadn't chosen one yet, but offered to read Friday's verse from Ephesians. I read the verses I shared with y'all yesterday, and then my sis-in-law read the same passage from The Message version of the Bible, and my sister read from NIV. It was so beautiful and brought us all to tears. My brother wept and said, "That's SO POWERFUL!" And it is!



It is indeed power packed - difficult to talk about and adequately portray what happened in my brother's living room this morning. It probably sounds pretty hokey (is that a real word?). At any rate, we ended up reading the verses several times, just to fully soak them up and bask in their whole meaning. And then we had a beautiful interchange about their implications in our lives in a real way. I will share The Message version of the verses as I close my blog for today. Now I want to go shopping online for a copy of The Message to add to my collection of Bible versions. It reads so great!



Here's the funny thing about it. The other day when we were shopping at Dollar Tree in Santa Rosa I saw a little decorative plaque there that had a portion of the passage enscribed on it. It caught my attention, and I told myself I had to remember the text reference so I could look it up later and read it in its entirety. That's how I ended up with it yesterday. God uses mysterious ways to speak to us and get our attention. Sometimes even shopping!



This evening some friends of my brother came to visit. We built a fire in the firepit, ate snacks and enjoyed a pleasant visit around the fire. It was a perfect way to end a great day.


MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Ephesians 3:14-21 (as numbered uniquely in The Message Bible)
"My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit--not a brute strength, but a glorious inner strength--that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test the length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.


"God can do ANYTHING, you know--far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around, but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us."

Glory to God in the church!
Glorty to God in the Messiah, in Jesus!
Glory down all the generations!
Glory through all millennia! Oh yes!

Friday again... already

Let's see... where was I? Tuesday was a quiet day. The weather was extra cool (felt good after temperatures in the upper 90's). In the evening we roasted hot dogs over a fire in the backyard fire pit. It was a pleasant day.

On Wednesday and Thursday we spent a good share of our time working on an inventory list of my brother's 40-year collection of Mopar auto parts, which he wants to sell. Poor baby had to crawl around ceiling-level shelves, calling the description of each item to my sister, and I recorded the list with my laptop onto an Excel spreadsheet to catalog and categorize stuff for potential buyers. At one point, my brother's shoe came off and he wasn't able to feel that it had come off. After he came down from his perch, he walked around in one shoe for several minutes before we pointed it out to him. Then, later in the day as he was preparing for a shower he was certain there was an earplug forced into his right ear (one of those little foam rubber thingies), but I checked - there was nothing there! The injured brain can definitely play tricks.

Today my brother had to crawl back up on the highest shelf to look for his shoe. There was another day this week when he came out of the bedroom wearing only one flip-flop, and thought he had put on both. It's so hard to watch him struggle with everyday stuff. We take SO MUCH for granted, don't we?

We have now been here three weeks and I have to say, I am learning some valuable lessons from my brother. He deals with SO MUCH every day, and does it with grace, patience and acceptance. He spills things, he trips over nothing, he sometimes has difficulty maneuvering the zippers, etc., on his clothing, and other demeaning stuff. All this and increasing difficulties with speech and just plain old basic communication. I wouldn't have guessed he could do this well in a situation of this type, but God is giving him the needed strength. Every day I'm more amazed at his accepting attitude. Could I do as well? I seriously doubt it!


Then the other day as I was working in the kitchen, I overheard him on the phone talking to a friend he had worked with for a number of years before his illness. He had called this guy especially to tell him how much his friendship has meant over the years. He explained that he is afraid he may not be able to communicate much longer and wanted to deliver his message before he loses his speech altogether. And there have been calls to a number of others who have been special in his life. Wow! What a lesson that is for me. I want to let my friends and family know how much they mean to me now, while I am able to, and while each of them can still hear what I have to say.

We are still praying for a miracle. Yesterday I told my sister that during the night when I couldn't sleep I realized that we have already experienced a miracle - not exactly the one we requested, but a miracle nonetheless. If you knew my brother before his illness, you would say that he has always been very self-assured, in control, and in general had need of nothing. He had a successful business with a healthy income, a nice expensive home, kids who have all turned out well - the whole banana. He truly had need of nothing. He is now acutely aware that he needs and supremely values the love of family & friends. More importantly, he knows he must rely on a Higher Power for everyTHING and every breath. The changes we see in our brother IS our miracle. However, we are a bit greedy and still pray fervently every day for our brother's healing and total restoration to complete health. May His perfect will be fulfilled! Thank you for continuing to pray with us.

Happy weekend, everyone!
XOXO

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Ephesians 3:12-19

"When I think of the wisdom and scope of his plan, I fall down on my knees and pray to the Father of all the great famly of God--some of them already in heaven and some down here on earth--that out of his glorious unlimited resources he will give you the mighty inner strenghtening of his Holy Spirit.

"And I pray that Christ will be more at home in your hearts, living within you as you TRUST IN HIM. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love, and may you be able to feel and understand, as all God's children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last you will be filled up with God himself."

Reflections of last week, on to a new week

Wow - the week ended and a new one has already begun and once again I'm amazed by the passage of time. They say time flies when you're having fun, but I didn't realize I was having THAT much fun!

On Thursday morning my sis and I went to the Santa Rosa airport to pick up Ron, our darling friend, who volunteered to come all the way from Portland to help my brother with a couple of projects. Ron hit the ground running and was hard at work before we barely got into the house. Of course, we had stopped at a sandwich shop in town (one of my brother's favorites) to grab a bite of lunch for all of us.

That evening we were just hanging out and relaxing and there was a knock at the door. Lo and behold, Ron's dad and brother came from 3 or 4 hours to the south to join Ron in working on the projects. These guys and their parents have been friends of our family for more than 30 years, when Ron was in an infant seat and his brother was a toddler. They have become as dear as family to us, and certainly have always jumped in to help, just the way family does. They spent the weekend building a beautiful back yard gate to match my brother's new fence, along with completing a dozen other smaller projects that my brother is unable to do himself.

One of the things the guys did while they were here was to plant "Earl," the walnut tree. You remember Earl - I told you the Earl Story in an earlier blog entry. The ground is so hard here that the boys had to use a jackhammer to excavate Earl's new home. Then the hole was prepared with fertilizer, top soil, and a lot of water. When the time was right, we all gathered to witness The Planting, accompanied by my sister and I as we hummed an abbreviated chorus of "I think that I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree..." You know the one.

I recorded the event with my digital camera and got some great pictures of my brother tenderly shoveling topsoil around Earl's rootball, and then supervising Ron who carefully packed the soil around the roots. Actually, my mom was close by to act as foreman of the entire process. It was really quite touching, given the sentimental significance of Earl's existence in the first place, and his grit and tenacity to survive. I am happy to report that he is doing quite nicely in his new location, in spite of suffering a slight sunburn on a couple of his leaves during our heatwave. May your life be long and fruitful, Earl (bring on those walnuts)! I should live that long!

Over the weekend two of my brother's cars left the premises. One was a 1973 Dodge Charger, a project car in need of some major TLC that my brother never got around to rendering before his illness. The guy who bought the car lives in Hollister, a couple of hours away. The other was my sister's adorable 1991 Dodge Daytona that she bought brand new. She was living with us at the time, and I still remember the day she roared into the driveway in her shiny brand new white car. It was her "baby" for forever till she sold it to our brother two years ago in April of 2006. He bought it mostly to keep it in the family, but the time has come to let go.

The guy who bought the Daytona is shipping the car to his home in Florida via auto transport. They loaded the car onto the upper deck of the truck and we watched it disappear around the corner. Now, get this - it wasn't even my car, and I'm the one who burst into tears as they hauled it away. Our emotions are pretty close to the surface at any given time these days, but there were so many reasons why it made me cry. My brother is having to give up EVERYTHING, and that was a huge factor. That, in addition to a dumb sentimental attachment to a cute little car that meant so much to my sister for so many years. Ridiculous, I know!

On Sunday afternoon we made an outing of driving Ron back to the airport. We wanted to give my brother and his sweet wife a little time without a houseful of visitors. So, what else? We did some shopping in Santa Rosa - exciting stuff like Dollar Tree (which they don't have in the towns nearby my brother) and Grocery Outlet, where we also love to shop when we're at home. We barely made it back before dark, had a bite to eat, and went to bed.

Today we changed beds and did the weekly laundry for the household, which is rather involved since they prefer not to use the dryer (in the interest of saving money on electricity, which we completely understand). Fortunately, the clothes dry quickly in this toasty weather, and hanging them on the line is actually kinda fun - makes one feel somewhat like a pioneer woman (ha!). Also, you can ignore the clothes until you are ready to fold and put them away, without them getting more and more wrinkled just laying in the dryer after the buzzer goes off (and then the next day you have to toss in a wet rag and run the dryer some more to get rid of the wrinkles - no energy savings there!).

My husband told me last night that a couple of our local churches there at home prayed corporately for my brother during their services over the weekend. They also have him on the prayer chain at several churches. Would you each please request that he is added to the prayer chain at your church. Can't have too many prayers ascending to heaven on my brother's behalf.

More later...

XOXO

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Psalm 27:1-7 (LB)

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom then shall I fear? When all evil men come to destroy me, they will stumble and fall! Yes, though a mighty army marches against me, my heart shall know no fear! I am confident that God will save me.

"The one thing I want from God, the thing I seek most of all, is the privilege of meditating in his Temple, living in his presence every day of my life, delighting in his incomparable perfections and glory. There I'll be when troubles come. He will hide me. He will set me on a high rock out of reach of all of my enemies. Then I will bring him sacrifices and sing his praises with much joy.

"Listen to my pleading, Lord! Be merciful and send the help I need."

Wednesday, another week half gone

Once again, time has gotten away from me. A friend of my sister's, who also has a blog, complained recently that she was suffering from "blog block." That really isn't my problem - but we've been pretty busy. You know me, I'm rarely at a loss for words, blogging or otherwise!

Last weekend was filled with family and food, of course. There was a houseful of us on Saturday, with my brother's two offspring and a combination of their spouses and kidlets. We ate a lot, laughed a bunch, and shared a few tears. It meant so much to my brother to have his family pretty much together under one roof. It was really great. Sunday we didn't do much, but on Monday we went to check out the new digs of my sis-in-law's son, and his new kitties. This is his first house as a grown-up, and it's a little dollhouse! Then we went to a local taqueria for lunch, which was yummy and inexpensive (the best part).

Tuesday was a very emotional day. My brother was having a particularly difficult day dealing with phone calls and computer issues. He was tearful, and we joined right in and had quite a cry-fest. His emotions are so tender now that he has come face to face with his own mortality, and we are having difficulty facing the possibility of losing him in the very near future. We are still hoping (begging!) for a miracle, and at the same time trusting God for his perfect will and plan. Even within that context, it's still heart-wrenching to think that we may have to say goodbye until we can be together again in heaven. His attitude is so good - no anger, no "why me?" just sadness and an urgency to get things "in order" in the event the worst happens. Please continue to pray for strength for all of us as we walk this difficult path together. AND... please keep to praying for a miracle of healing for my beloved brother.

As it write this, it occurs to me that several of you who receive my blog have "been there" and "done that" in your own lives. I'm thinking of three precious friends, one who lost her dad to cancer (after losing her mom in a drunk-driver accident), another lost her brother to leukemia, and yet another lost her mom shortly before we began working together at Shriners in Portland. I now have a personal appreciation for what they dealt with in each of their experiences. It's somewhat like childbirth - there's no way anyone can know how it feels unless they have personally experienced it and have walked through this valley themselves. So many lives are touched and forever changed by this awful disease! Thank goodness, we can look forward to heaven where there will be no more problems and heartaches!

On a happy note - On Monday I got brave and sent my son a brief text message that simply said, "I love you, my sweet boy." Keep in mind that we have had zero communcation with our boy since Memorial Day weekend, and had been given to understand that he wanted nothing to do with us. (At one point he was reported to have said, "They aren't my real parents, anyway.") Then on Tuesday I received a return text message from my son saying that he loves his dad and I, too. You can be sure that the message opened the floodgates. My sis and I were driving in the car at the time, and both of us were bawling our eyes out! (I told you it was an emotional day!) When I related this exchange to my husband on the phone last night, he said, "Wow - That fills a huge hole in my heart!" I have to ditto that, for sure! Baby steps, we'll just take baby steps. But at least the door of communication is reopened, even if only a crack.

Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow!

Love you all!

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Revelation 21:1-4 (LB)
"Then I saw a new earth and a new sky, for the present earth and sky had disappeared. And I, John, saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven. It was a glorious sight, beautiful as a bride at her wedding.

"I heard a shout from the throne saying, 'Look, the home of God is now among men, and he will live with them and they will be his people; yes, God himself will be among them.'

"He will wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying, nor pain. All of that is gone forever!"

Won't that be a glorious day!!