I know you must wonder where in the world I've been hiding, since there've been no updates in over a week. Actually, I'm blogging from my own dining room right now. Last weekend some long-time friends of our family, Ron & Kristina (Dick's friends and ours), came to Dick's for the weekend. Ron is like a son to Dick & Nancy, and we have all fallen in love with his darling wife, Kristina, and their extremely bright and adorable 3-year old son, A.J., who is crazy about his Grandpa Dick and Grandma Nancy.
Ron & Kristina arrived last Thursday afternoon, so I was preoccupied visiting with them through the weekend. On Saturday evening I decided on a whim to ask if I could ride home with them to spend a few days with my poor lonely hubby. Actually, my husband almost begged me to come home, and I couldn't resist, although I have felt extremely guilty about leaving my sis & mom behind. I am flying back to California this coming Sunday at noon, and my sweet sister and Mom are driving all the way in to Sacramento airport to fetch me. The time at home has been a wonderful break (has gone by so quickly), but while at home I have that nagging yucky little anxious feeling in my tummy. When I'm home, I miss being there with Dick and everyone, and when I'm there, I desperately miss my husband, who has been so unbelievably sweet and supportive. Sometimes it feels somewhat like a no-win situation, but I want to be with my brother. We don't know how much time we have with him.
I may have already mentioned this - Dick had several really difficult days after his October 10 chemo infusion. He was so exhausted, and in general felt just plain lousy. Then that Wednesday afternoon he came to his bedroom door after taking a nap and said, "Hey, watch this!" and proceeded to walk across the living room almost completely normally - no limp, no foot-dragging gait. His speech seemed better, too, although it was still a struggle. He said he felt a lot better, and even tried to use his right hand a little. The improvement only lasted a few days, but we were encouraged that the Avastin may have shrunk the tumor some.
The week that Ron & Kristina came Dick was still feeling pretty decent, and had another Avastin infusion on Friday, the 24th. On the Thursday prior to that, we went next door to visit the chickens. Dick was watching them peck and scratch, and he said, "I want chickens... next spring..." He couldn't finish, and he began to cry. He wants to be around next spring to raise some chickens of his own, but fears he'll be gone by then. I just held him and he, my sis and I all three cried. It's so heartbreaking - we can't offer him any assurance that he'll still be with us next spring. But, you know what - none of us knows whether we'll be here next spring. We only have today, this moment - nothing more. No one does! But it is so frightening to have a disease that threatens any longevity we might have as humans living on this old earth. I can only imagine the things that must run through Dick's mind when he's alone with his thoughts. It's sobering to contemplate!
On Friday, Ron spent the day doing some tasks around the house for Dick & Nancy. He built a section of the back yard fence that had been left unfinished. He fashioned and installed some wonderful brackets for the front porch wrought-iron railings to make them sturdy as new (no more wobbling!), installed the new microwave over the kitchen stove, and put beautiful new handles on two of the three glass sliding doors that exit from the back of the house.
We ladies were not even the tiniest bit disturbed by all of Ron's pounding and grinding. We just rested, hung out and chatted a mile a minute while we watched A.J. play on the carpet with his toys (what a sweet, smart boy he is!). On Friday afternoon my sis & I took A.J. on a long enjoyable walk where we searched for giant acorns and pine cones. Then on Saturday we all took a walk to feed some slightly-wrinkled apples to the horses who live just around the corner. Nancy brought Dick in the car, and he helped feed apples to the horses - very enjoyable.
On Sunday morning I had set my alarm for 5 a.m. Now, you need to know something. This is a brand new little atomic clock, and I've never tried using the alarm function. Of course, I had everything totally ready on Saturday night so I wouldn't disturb anyone else in the house as I dressed and got ready to leave. Unfortunately, when I got up Sunday morning I thought for sure I had turned off the alarm, but had merely "snoozed" it. It rang it's highly-annoying "bee-bee-beep, bee-bee-beep" every 10 minutes during the half hour I was down the hall in the bathroom getting ready to leave (and NOBODY could figure out how to turn the darned thing off!). So much for trying to be quiet and keep from bothering anyone! My mom & sister are VERY patient women! Myself, I have zero sense of humor at 5 a.m. At any rate, Ron, Kristina, A.J. and I left Dick's house just after 5:30 a.m. and arrived at their house in Vancouver at 5:15 Sunday evening. The weather was beautiful and we made excellent time, even with several potty breaks along the way and meal stops in Redding and Grants Pass.
I've talked to my sis nearly every day since I left, and she tells me Dick is about the same, but has become very discouraged and seems to be losing hope. Although they seem to be carrying on the daily routine quite well without me, I know they'll be glad to have me back. I don't feel like I do a whole lot there, but my sis and I are joined at the hip - we function better in these situations when we're together, and we much prefer it that way!
Till next time...
XOXO
MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Matthew 6:33-34
LIVING BIBLE: Your heavenly father already knows [what you need]. So don't be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow, too. Live one day at a time!
NIV: But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Here it is Friday... again!
The past couple of days have been like living on a yo-yo! We've been up, and we've been down. I mentioned that Tuesday was a tough day. Well, on Wednesday morning when I awoke, I heard some kind of kafuffle going on in the living room. A few minutes later, Mom told me that Dick was in quite a "mood" already, so early in the morning. He nearly had my sister in tears before the day had barely begun. However, we agreed that a little sassy is better than nearly catatonic.
Later that morning he told us how well he felt and proudly showed us how well he could walk. His speech even seemed a little better. He and my sis ventured next door to take some table scraps to the neighbor's six little laying hens. He decided one chicken in particular should be named Maude, so Maude she is! Another one's comb sorta droops over one eye in kind of a sultry way - I think she should be called Tallulah (as in Bankhead, if you're old enough to have heard of her), who wore her hair draped over one eye. They are so funny and so cute, scratching the dirt, pecking at everything and singing their little chickie "buck-buck-buduck" tunes. I love it! And the free eggs the neighbors share with us don't hurt, either!
Then came Thursday. Dick was actually still feeling good, but our joy was tempered by the fact that one of their two kitties (named Olivia and Syrah) was not doing well. Syrah, whom they've had for almost 13 years since she was a baby kitten, was having obvious difficulty breathing. We knew she wasn't doing well, because she had refused to eat for more than four days - not a good sign. As the morning wore on, she became worse and we consulted with Dick and Nancy, and all of us agreed it was "time." So we gently put Syrah into the pet carrier to head for the kitty doctor's.
When we arrived at the vet's, we had to wait for nearly 45 minutes before they could examine the kitty, who remained quiet and still in the carrier. The doctor a wonderful caring and gentle lady, held Syrah and stroked her, listening to her breathing and her heart. She assured us we had made the right decision - she was in obvious respiratory distress, jaundiced, and so weak. She cuddled the kitty to her chest and took her into another room right then and there to take care of what we knew had to be done. She asked my sis and I if we wanted to be in the room with her during her last moments, and we both started to cry. I said, definitely not! The LAST thing we need right now is to stand and watch something precious breathe its last - No thanks! I've seen quite enough suffering, thank you!
So that was a sad ending to the day. But it was the right thing to do. Hard to understand and wrap your head around! Once again we are reminded that this earth, with all of its sadness and heartache, is not our home. What do people do if they don't have the hope of living forever in a place where there's nothing but happiness and joy - all day, every day!
Love you all!
MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Isaiah 55:8-11 (The Message)
I don't think the way you think. The way you work isn't the way I work. God's Decree. For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think. Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don't go back until they've watered the earth, doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry. So will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed. They'll do the work I sent them to do, they'll complete the assignment I gave them.
Here it is again from the New Living Translation:
My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the Lord. And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.
Later that morning he told us how well he felt and proudly showed us how well he could walk. His speech even seemed a little better. He and my sis ventured next door to take some table scraps to the neighbor's six little laying hens. He decided one chicken in particular should be named Maude, so Maude she is! Another one's comb sorta droops over one eye in kind of a sultry way - I think she should be called Tallulah (as in Bankhead, if you're old enough to have heard of her), who wore her hair draped over one eye. They are so funny and so cute, scratching the dirt, pecking at everything and singing their little chickie "buck-buck-buduck" tunes. I love it! And the free eggs the neighbors share with us don't hurt, either!
Then came Thursday. Dick was actually still feeling good, but our joy was tempered by the fact that one of their two kitties (named Olivia and Syrah) was not doing well. Syrah, whom they've had for almost 13 years since she was a baby kitten, was having obvious difficulty breathing. We knew she wasn't doing well, because she had refused to eat for more than four days - not a good sign. As the morning wore on, she became worse and we consulted with Dick and Nancy, and all of us agreed it was "time." So we gently put Syrah into the pet carrier to head for the kitty doctor's.
When we arrived at the vet's, we had to wait for nearly 45 minutes before they could examine the kitty, who remained quiet and still in the carrier. The doctor a wonderful caring and gentle lady, held Syrah and stroked her, listening to her breathing and her heart. She assured us we had made the right decision - she was in obvious respiratory distress, jaundiced, and so weak. She cuddled the kitty to her chest and took her into another room right then and there to take care of what we knew had to be done. She asked my sis and I if we wanted to be in the room with her during her last moments, and we both started to cry. I said, definitely not! The LAST thing we need right now is to stand and watch something precious breathe its last - No thanks! I've seen quite enough suffering, thank you!
So that was a sad ending to the day. But it was the right thing to do. Hard to understand and wrap your head around! Once again we are reminded that this earth, with all of its sadness and heartache, is not our home. What do people do if they don't have the hope of living forever in a place where there's nothing but happiness and joy - all day, every day!
Love you all!
MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Isaiah 55:8-11 (The Message)
I don't think the way you think. The way you work isn't the way I work. God's Decree. For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think. Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don't go back until they've watered the earth, doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry. So will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed. They'll do the work I sent them to do, they'll complete the assignment I gave them.
Here it is again from the New Living Translation:
My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the Lord. And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Midweek Musings
One day seems to almost blend into another sometimes. I had to write the date on a check today, and I had no idea what the date was. Although, we did talk this morning about the fact that today is my maternal grandma's birthday (she would be 110 - wow!). So, maybe I did actually know what day it was, after all.
It's been quite a week already. Dick had his chemo treatment on Friday (first one with the new medication mixture). We expected him to come home from chemo like a wet noodle, but he actually did quite well. However, it didn't last. By Sunday he felt pretty rotten and it was downhill after that until today. He had this vacant stare, and seemed to have just "checked out." You could ask him a question, and he sometimes didn't even acknowledge that you had spoken. And he slept most of the time.
Yesterday was a really tough day. I asked if he was ready for lunch, and he said, I guess so. Then I offered several menu choices, and he said, "Whatever - it doesn't matter." He was just gone - no reaction to anything - just this vacant stare out into space. We were pretty discouraged. But this morning he seemed a bit brighter and better. First thing this morning he got a little cranky about the remote for the fireplace (which heats the house). He was pressing all the right buttons, but nothing was happening, and he was still cold and irritated. (We learned later in the day that the batteries in the remote were dead.) With his angry reaction to the dead remote, we happily said, "He's back!" Even a cranky reaction is better than stonefaced indifference.
Breakfast was encouraging - he wanted to try, and he fixed his own bowl of granola. He even poured his own milk. I carried the full cereal bowl to his little table beside his spot on the couch, but he did a really good job preparing his own cereal. And has gotten quite good at eating with his left hand (a real feat for a total and complete right-hander)!
At lunch, once again he couldn't get the TV remote to work, then dropped his sandwich (egg salad, no less) into his lap, and just lost it. He squished a piece of the sandwich in his fist and said, 'It's all I can do not to..." I told him "It's OK to be frustrated, Dick, we understand. Deep breaths, deep breaths - Don't worry, we'll fix it!" Then he started to cry, and attempted to apologize - heartbreaking! I told him I can only imagine his frustration - think about it!! You can't speak to express yourself, and your body won't function the way it should.
We cleaned things up, made a fresh sandwich, and started over. Then during his nap, we discovered - guess what! The batteries in the TV remote were dead, too! An easy fix, and hopefully this will make things easier for him tomorrow. I know it sounds like a small thing, but the TV remote is the absolute only thing he has left where he has even the tiniest bit of control, so it is of some importance!
A bright note for today: I went to the dentist and had my broken front tooth fixed today. I don't have to hide my smile any more. My brother has mentioned that tooth several times since I've been here, and yesterday I decided to do it for him, and made an appointment for this afternoon. I even told the dentist and her staff why I had decided to have the tooth repaired. One of the other staff members stuck her head in the treatment room where I was in the dental chair (hanging upside-down by my ankles). She said, "I heard your story and just had to poke my head in." About that time, the dentist had completed her work and handed me a mirror to see the finished product. They all agreed my smile was beautiful, and my brother was thrilled (and very touched that I had done this for him - he cried)! Now I want to surprise my husband with my new smile, so don't tell him, OK.
With all of you holding me up, and God at my side, I just keep on keeping on! Thanks for praying and for caring.
XO
MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Phil. 4:13 (I know I've used this before, but I need it again!)
I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.
It's been quite a week already. Dick had his chemo treatment on Friday (first one with the new medication mixture). We expected him to come home from chemo like a wet noodle, but he actually did quite well. However, it didn't last. By Sunday he felt pretty rotten and it was downhill after that until today. He had this vacant stare, and seemed to have just "checked out." You could ask him a question, and he sometimes didn't even acknowledge that you had spoken. And he slept most of the time.
Yesterday was a really tough day. I asked if he was ready for lunch, and he said, I guess so. Then I offered several menu choices, and he said, "Whatever - it doesn't matter." He was just gone - no reaction to anything - just this vacant stare out into space. We were pretty discouraged. But this morning he seemed a bit brighter and better. First thing this morning he got a little cranky about the remote for the fireplace (which heats the house). He was pressing all the right buttons, but nothing was happening, and he was still cold and irritated. (We learned later in the day that the batteries in the remote were dead.) With his angry reaction to the dead remote, we happily said, "He's back!" Even a cranky reaction is better than stonefaced indifference.
Breakfast was encouraging - he wanted to try, and he fixed his own bowl of granola. He even poured his own milk. I carried the full cereal bowl to his little table beside his spot on the couch, but he did a really good job preparing his own cereal. And has gotten quite good at eating with his left hand (a real feat for a total and complete right-hander)!
At lunch, once again he couldn't get the TV remote to work, then dropped his sandwich (egg salad, no less) into his lap, and just lost it. He squished a piece of the sandwich in his fist and said, 'It's all I can do not to..." I told him "It's OK to be frustrated, Dick, we understand. Deep breaths, deep breaths - Don't worry, we'll fix it!" Then he started to cry, and attempted to apologize - heartbreaking! I told him I can only imagine his frustration - think about it!! You can't speak to express yourself, and your body won't function the way it should.
We cleaned things up, made a fresh sandwich, and started over. Then during his nap, we discovered - guess what! The batteries in the TV remote were dead, too! An easy fix, and hopefully this will make things easier for him tomorrow. I know it sounds like a small thing, but the TV remote is the absolute only thing he has left where he has even the tiniest bit of control, so it is of some importance!
A bright note for today: I went to the dentist and had my broken front tooth fixed today. I don't have to hide my smile any more. My brother has mentioned that tooth several times since I've been here, and yesterday I decided to do it for him, and made an appointment for this afternoon. I even told the dentist and her staff why I had decided to have the tooth repaired. One of the other staff members stuck her head in the treatment room where I was in the dental chair (hanging upside-down by my ankles). She said, "I heard your story and just had to poke my head in." About that time, the dentist had completed her work and handed me a mirror to see the finished product. They all agreed my smile was beautiful, and my brother was thrilled (and very touched that I had done this for him - he cried)! Now I want to surprise my husband with my new smile, so don't tell him, OK.
With all of you holding me up, and God at my side, I just keep on keeping on! Thanks for praying and for caring.
XO
MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Phil. 4:13 (I know I've used this before, but I need it again!)
I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Whew - made it through another week!
What a week! I hardly know where to begin, so I'll just start at the beginning.
Monday was Dick's Dr. appointment to get the results of the Sept. 29 MRI. Just as we expected, the news wasn't good. The tumor has nearly doubled in size since the mid-June MRI. This was no surprise, since his symptoms continue to increase. We all had lunch together at one of Dick's favorite restaurants in Fairfield before the appointment, and then went our separate ways. We ladies did some shopping and Dick & Nancy went to visit with his oncologist.
Tuesday was an awful day. I awoke hearing my brother crying in the next room. He had spilled an entire bowl of cereal in his lap and all over the couch, and was so distraught. My sister and Mom were helping to clean up the mess, and he sat weeping at the other end of the couch. And the day went downhill after that. It was sad, too, because it was Nancy's birthday.
Later at lunchtime Dick was having extreme difficulty figuring out which buttons to press to use the TV remote (they have DirecTV and it takes an technological degree to use the remote - It has a buzzillion buttons and is VERY complicated). He tried and tried and TRIED, and we asked if we could help, but no. He had made up his mind he would conquer that darned remote himself - but without success! Finally, in absolute frustration he threw the remote across the room and hobbled to his bedroom. Later he tearfully attempted to apologize to us for losing his temper . We just loved him up and assured him that his frustration is totally understandable. He consistently does remarkably well at putting up with all the frustrating assaults to his dignity. I know I couldn't do half as well!
Wednesday was some better, but we were on pins and needles constantly on the alert to be ready to grab the remote and figure out where he wanted to go with it before he got too frustrated. It's bad enough not to be able to speak the words formed in your thoughts that your brain can't make your mouth verbalize. He's becoming a prisoner in his own skin - how awful for him! It gives me claustrophobia just to think about it.
Thursday was a tough day because he was especially weak and could barely walk at all. He loves to visit and take treats (table scraps) to the six little hens that live next door, and he loves to cuddle with the two yappy little Chihuahuas that live there, too. My sister took him to see the chickens and practically had to carry him there and back. It isn't far, but he was exhausted and his right foot just wouldn't work. That may well have been his last visit to the chix and pups next door. It seems like every day he's forced to give up something more.
Today was chemo day. Dick & Nancy left the house at 8 a.m. for a 9:30 infusion appointment in Vallejo. We got a call at 1:30 this afternoon saying they had just begun the infusion, delayed all morning by lab tests and paperwork. We were concerned that the long day and the effects of the medicine might be disastrous, but (praise God!) he was in good spirits when they got home, and didn't seem to suffer much in the way of side effects from the chemo. Again, PRAISE GOD!
They are trying a new conglomeration of chemo medications which we hope will shrink the tumor and give him a little more time with us. We have also learned that they are conducting clinical trials for a brain cancer vaccine, of all things, that extends the survival time for brain cancer patients. We are going to look into that to see if he could possibly participate in a clinical trial for the vaccine.
The exciting thing at the end of the day was that there's a huge wildfire burning just a couple of miles from my brother's house. Dick & Nancy encountered the fire trucks on their way up Howell Mountain heading home. There were huge scary flames leaping from along the roadside licking at their car (a little convertible with a full gas tank!). The fire was started by a truck that had accidently run off the road at a sharp hairpin curve. The last we heard (breaking news) one home has already been consumed and folks are being evacuated. We have each packed a little bag with a change of clothes, clean underwear, our prescription meds, and our laptops are ready at the door to grab on our way out, in case we have to evacuate. Google "Napa Valley wildfire" and see what you get. We aren't afraid, but we want to be ready, just in case.
So... It's been an extremely stressful and intense week. I told my daughter that I fall into bed each night like a wet noodle. I'm exhausted, and then I don't sleep well! But I'm not complaining. This is where I need to be - where I want to be. We are definitely needed here. Without our help, Nancy would either have to quit her job or hire someone to stay with Dick all day while she is working (which they could NOT afford). And there are even tougher times ahead - we are fully aware of that. Dear Lord, please give us the strength to face whatever lies ahead!
MY TEXT FOR TODAY: James 1:12, 16-18 (The Message Bible)
"Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life."
"So my very dear friends, don't get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures."
Monday was Dick's Dr. appointment to get the results of the Sept. 29 MRI. Just as we expected, the news wasn't good. The tumor has nearly doubled in size since the mid-June MRI. This was no surprise, since his symptoms continue to increase. We all had lunch together at one of Dick's favorite restaurants in Fairfield before the appointment, and then went our separate ways. We ladies did some shopping and Dick & Nancy went to visit with his oncologist.
Tuesday was an awful day. I awoke hearing my brother crying in the next room. He had spilled an entire bowl of cereal in his lap and all over the couch, and was so distraught. My sister and Mom were helping to clean up the mess, and he sat weeping at the other end of the couch. And the day went downhill after that. It was sad, too, because it was Nancy's birthday.
Later at lunchtime Dick was having extreme difficulty figuring out which buttons to press to use the TV remote (they have DirecTV and it takes an technological degree to use the remote - It has a buzzillion buttons and is VERY complicated). He tried and tried and TRIED, and we asked if we could help, but no. He had made up his mind he would conquer that darned remote himself - but without success! Finally, in absolute frustration he threw the remote across the room and hobbled to his bedroom. Later he tearfully attempted to apologize to us for losing his temper . We just loved him up and assured him that his frustration is totally understandable. He consistently does remarkably well at putting up with all the frustrating assaults to his dignity. I know I couldn't do half as well!
Wednesday was some better, but we were on pins and needles constantly on the alert to be ready to grab the remote and figure out where he wanted to go with it before he got too frustrated. It's bad enough not to be able to speak the words formed in your thoughts that your brain can't make your mouth verbalize. He's becoming a prisoner in his own skin - how awful for him! It gives me claustrophobia just to think about it.
Thursday was a tough day because he was especially weak and could barely walk at all. He loves to visit and take treats (table scraps) to the six little hens that live next door, and he loves to cuddle with the two yappy little Chihuahuas that live there, too. My sister took him to see the chickens and practically had to carry him there and back. It isn't far, but he was exhausted and his right foot just wouldn't work. That may well have been his last visit to the chix and pups next door. It seems like every day he's forced to give up something more.
Today was chemo day. Dick & Nancy left the house at 8 a.m. for a 9:30 infusion appointment in Vallejo. We got a call at 1:30 this afternoon saying they had just begun the infusion, delayed all morning by lab tests and paperwork. We were concerned that the long day and the effects of the medicine might be disastrous, but (praise God!) he was in good spirits when they got home, and didn't seem to suffer much in the way of side effects from the chemo. Again, PRAISE GOD!
They are trying a new conglomeration of chemo medications which we hope will shrink the tumor and give him a little more time with us. We have also learned that they are conducting clinical trials for a brain cancer vaccine, of all things, that extends the survival time for brain cancer patients. We are going to look into that to see if he could possibly participate in a clinical trial for the vaccine.
The exciting thing at the end of the day was that there's a huge wildfire burning just a couple of miles from my brother's house. Dick & Nancy encountered the fire trucks on their way up Howell Mountain heading home. There were huge scary flames leaping from along the roadside licking at their car (a little convertible with a full gas tank!). The fire was started by a truck that had accidently run off the road at a sharp hairpin curve. The last we heard (breaking news) one home has already been consumed and folks are being evacuated. We have each packed a little bag with a change of clothes, clean underwear, our prescription meds, and our laptops are ready at the door to grab on our way out, in case we have to evacuate. Google "Napa Valley wildfire" and see what you get. We aren't afraid, but we want to be ready, just in case.
So... It's been an extremely stressful and intense week. I told my daughter that I fall into bed each night like a wet noodle. I'm exhausted, and then I don't sleep well! But I'm not complaining. This is where I need to be - where I want to be. We are definitely needed here. Without our help, Nancy would either have to quit her job or hire someone to stay with Dick all day while she is working (which they could NOT afford). And there are even tougher times ahead - we are fully aware of that. Dear Lord, please give us the strength to face whatever lies ahead!
MY TEXT FOR TODAY: James 1:12, 16-18 (The Message Bible)
"Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life."
"So my very dear friends, don't get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures."
Friday, October 3, 2008
Of good tears and sad tears
Wow! I don't when I've shed so many tears in one afternoon - some good tears and some sad ones. I've heard a story somewhere that God saves our tears in a bottle and presents them back to us as jewels when we receive our crowns in heaven. It's just a story, but I know God sees our tears. One of my favorite songs says, "Tears are a language God understands. He sees the tears of the brokenhearted soul. He sees my tears, and hears them when they fall."
I cried because I talked to my son today - on his 37th birthday - after almost five months of no communication with him whatsoever. I called him this afternoon and was brokenhearted when he didn't answer. I left him a tearful birthday voicemail, but had no expectation that he would return my call. He did! Less than an hour later he called me at my brother's phone number that had shown up on caller ID. Then I shed a gallon of good tears - tears of joy for hearing from him after all these long months, tears of sadness for the circumstances that exist between him and his little family, and tears of thankfulness for the precious gift of that little baby boy 37 years ago today.
I cried because I heard a song that reminded me how much I miss the sweet group of people I made music with for the many years we praised the Lord together. The song was "Gentle Shepherd," that we have sung together so many, many times. And believe me, we need the Gentle Shepherd to lead us, to come and feed us, and help us find our way!
I cried with my brother as he sat and wept as he listened to some wonderful gospel music that touched his heart talking of heaven and Jesus' precious gift. I went and sat beside him and just hugged him and held his sweet hand as we cried together through the song.
I cried because my once strong, confident brother can no longer hold a spoon or a glass of milk in his hand. Because his right foot was so numb this morning that he nearly collapsed and fell down in the kitchen as he poured his cereal into a bowl. Because of the utter and desperate frustration on his face as he tried to think of the word "appliance," and it just would NOT come.
Won't it be wonderful when there is no more sorrow, no more tears, no more sadness, no more pain or disease or death. I am looking forward to that day!
MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Rev. 21:2-6
And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them as their God; they will be his people, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away."
And the one who was seated on the throne said, "See, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this, for these words are trustworthy and true." Then he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give water as a gift from the spring of the water of life. Those who conquer will inherit these things, and I will be their God and they will be my children.
FROM "The Message:"
I saw Holy Jerusalem, new-created, descending resplendent out of Heaven, as ready for God as a bride for her husband. I heard a voice of thunder from the Throne: "Look! Look! God has moved into the neighborhood, making his home with men and women. They're his people, he's their God. He'll wipe away very tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good - tears gone, crying gone, pain gone -- all the first order of things gone." The Enthroned continued, "Look! I'm making everything new. Write it all down -- each word dependable and accurate.
Then he said, "It's happened. I'm A to Z. I'm the Beginning. I'm the Conclusion. From Water-of-Life will I give freely to the thirsty. Conquerors inherit all this. I'll be God to them, they'll be sons and daughters to me."
I cried because I talked to my son today - on his 37th birthday - after almost five months of no communication with him whatsoever. I called him this afternoon and was brokenhearted when he didn't answer. I left him a tearful birthday voicemail, but had no expectation that he would return my call. He did! Less than an hour later he called me at my brother's phone number that had shown up on caller ID. Then I shed a gallon of good tears - tears of joy for hearing from him after all these long months, tears of sadness for the circumstances that exist between him and his little family, and tears of thankfulness for the precious gift of that little baby boy 37 years ago today.
I cried because I heard a song that reminded me how much I miss the sweet group of people I made music with for the many years we praised the Lord together. The song was "Gentle Shepherd," that we have sung together so many, many times. And believe me, we need the Gentle Shepherd to lead us, to come and feed us, and help us find our way!
I cried with my brother as he sat and wept as he listened to some wonderful gospel music that touched his heart talking of heaven and Jesus' precious gift. I went and sat beside him and just hugged him and held his sweet hand as we cried together through the song.
I cried because my once strong, confident brother can no longer hold a spoon or a glass of milk in his hand. Because his right foot was so numb this morning that he nearly collapsed and fell down in the kitchen as he poured his cereal into a bowl. Because of the utter and desperate frustration on his face as he tried to think of the word "appliance," and it just would NOT come.
Won't it be wonderful when there is no more sorrow, no more tears, no more sadness, no more pain or disease or death. I am looking forward to that day!
MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Rev. 21:2-6
And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them as their God; they will be his people, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away."
And the one who was seated on the throne said, "See, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this, for these words are trustworthy and true." Then he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give water as a gift from the spring of the water of life. Those who conquer will inherit these things, and I will be their God and they will be my children.
FROM "The Message:"
I saw Holy Jerusalem, new-created, descending resplendent out of Heaven, as ready for God as a bride for her husband. I heard a voice of thunder from the Throne: "Look! Look! God has moved into the neighborhood, making his home with men and women. They're his people, he's their God. He'll wipe away very tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good - tears gone, crying gone, pain gone -- all the first order of things gone." The Enthroned continued, "Look! I'm making everything new. Write it all down -- each word dependable and accurate.
Then he said, "It's happened. I'm A to Z. I'm the Beginning. I'm the Conclusion. From Water-of-Life will I give freely to the thirsty. Conquerors inherit all this. I'll be God to them, they'll be sons and daughters to me."
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Thursday and counting
Hi, all:
Well, today was a rather intense day - another in a lengthy series. It started out pretty unremarkably (is that a real word?), but morphed into a day of quite another type. My sis-in-law's cleaning lady came today, so we wanted to stay out of her way while she worked. We went up to the backyard "plaza," as my mom calls it, and Dick built a fire. We sat around the fire reading the paper and just hangin' out, and after almost two hours, at about 11:30, my brother said, "She'll be here two more hours - We need an outing!" We asked if food would be involved and were told, yes, that would be part of it.
We went to Dick's favorite taqueria for lunch. They make a scrumptious veggie burrito the size of my head - I'm not kidding! I usually eat half one day and the second half the next day. I helped my brother order, since he has so much difficulty finding words. He wanted to order the burrito, but also wanted to add something. He struggled and struggled, trying to tell us what it was that he wanted. He said his eyes could see it, but he couldn't say the word. He finally gave up and said, "Just get whatever - it doesn't matter," and walked away. I stood there swallowing tears, trying not to make a scene and embarrass him even further. Wow! This is SO HARD, and we're just getting started with "hard!"
I find it so amazing that he could say that entire sentence, but could NOT tell me that he wanted the "chili relleno burrito," which we later learned from his wife. He kept saying, "It's a burrito in a burrito - a second thing, a second thing." I suggested a dozen things I read from the menu board, to no avail. Finally, I apologized for not being smart enough to figure out what he wanted. It was awful, and definitely stole the glint from the moment. He was pretty morose and quiet for the remainder of our "outing." The other sad thing is I had to cut up his burrito for him so he could eat it with the spoon we brought from home. He kept looking from side to side, checking to see if anyone noticed that he, a full-grown man, needed to have his food cut for him. So demoralizing - poor sweetie!
It turns out there was a reason he wanted to go on a outing. For several weeks he's been telling us that he wanted to buy a gold chain for Nancy so that she can wear his wedding ring on the chain. Sitting up there by the fire he had made up his mind that today was the day - he was going to buy the chain TODAY! And the timing is perfect. Nancy's birthday is next Tuesday, so no doubt he will give it to her as a birthday surprise.
A couple of our cousins have asked to come for a visit. We have seen the one cousin in the past few weeks (he lives in Sacramento, and we had lunch with him a couple of weeks ago). The other lives in the Medford area, and we haven't seen her for nearly two decades. She is driving down today to spend some time with Dick. We will all get together tomorrow for lunch and a good visit. We are a bit apprehensive about it, though, since Dick tires so easily and sometimes will have seizures when he gets overtired. And it's super stressful for him, since he's unable to participate in the conversations and the storytelling. They just want to be near him and love him up a little while we still have him with us. I just hope it doesn't wipe him out for the day and cause a giant seizure.
This afternoon while Dick napped, my sis and I dashed down the hill to the post office to pick up the mail and made a quick stop next door at the College Market to grab a couple of things we needed for dinner. We encountered one of Dick's neighbors, who asked us how things are going. We said, not good. She assured us that they are praying for all of us - healing and courage for Dick, and strength for all of us as we make this difficult journey. Again, how does anyone live through life's tough times trying to go it alone? Praise God, we aren't doing this alone! Thank you, Lord, and to you all for being there. It means SO MUCH!
XOXO
MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Isaiah 12:2-6 (NIV)
"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid, for the LORD GOD is my strength and my might; he has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. And you will say in that day: Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known his deeds among the nations; proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing praises to the LORD, for he has done gloriously; let this be known in all the earth. Shout aloud and sing for joy, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel."
NOW FROM "The Message:"
"Yes, indeed -- God is my salvation. I trust, I won't be afraid. God -- yes God! -- is my strength and my song, best of all, my salvation!
"Joyfully you'll pull up buckets of water from the wells of salvation. And as you do it, you'll say, 'Give thanks to God.' Call out his name. Ask him anything! Shout to the nations, tell them what he's done, spread the news of his great reputation!"
Well, today was a rather intense day - another in a lengthy series. It started out pretty unremarkably (is that a real word?), but morphed into a day of quite another type. My sis-in-law's cleaning lady came today, so we wanted to stay out of her way while she worked. We went up to the backyard "plaza," as my mom calls it, and Dick built a fire. We sat around the fire reading the paper and just hangin' out, and after almost two hours, at about 11:30, my brother said, "She'll be here two more hours - We need an outing!" We asked if food would be involved and were told, yes, that would be part of it.
We went to Dick's favorite taqueria for lunch. They make a scrumptious veggie burrito the size of my head - I'm not kidding! I usually eat half one day and the second half the next day. I helped my brother order, since he has so much difficulty finding words. He wanted to order the burrito, but also wanted to add something. He struggled and struggled, trying to tell us what it was that he wanted. He said his eyes could see it, but he couldn't say the word. He finally gave up and said, "Just get whatever - it doesn't matter," and walked away. I stood there swallowing tears, trying not to make a scene and embarrass him even further. Wow! This is SO HARD, and we're just getting started with "hard!"
I find it so amazing that he could say that entire sentence, but could NOT tell me that he wanted the "chili relleno burrito," which we later learned from his wife. He kept saying, "It's a burrito in a burrito - a second thing, a second thing." I suggested a dozen things I read from the menu board, to no avail. Finally, I apologized for not being smart enough to figure out what he wanted. It was awful, and definitely stole the glint from the moment. He was pretty morose and quiet for the remainder of our "outing." The other sad thing is I had to cut up his burrito for him so he could eat it with the spoon we brought from home. He kept looking from side to side, checking to see if anyone noticed that he, a full-grown man, needed to have his food cut for him. So demoralizing - poor sweetie!
It turns out there was a reason he wanted to go on a outing. For several weeks he's been telling us that he wanted to buy a gold chain for Nancy so that she can wear his wedding ring on the chain. Sitting up there by the fire he had made up his mind that today was the day - he was going to buy the chain TODAY! And the timing is perfect. Nancy's birthday is next Tuesday, so no doubt he will give it to her as a birthday surprise.
A couple of our cousins have asked to come for a visit. We have seen the one cousin in the past few weeks (he lives in Sacramento, and we had lunch with him a couple of weeks ago). The other lives in the Medford area, and we haven't seen her for nearly two decades. She is driving down today to spend some time with Dick. We will all get together tomorrow for lunch and a good visit. We are a bit apprehensive about it, though, since Dick tires so easily and sometimes will have seizures when he gets overtired. And it's super stressful for him, since he's unable to participate in the conversations and the storytelling. They just want to be near him and love him up a little while we still have him with us. I just hope it doesn't wipe him out for the day and cause a giant seizure.
This afternoon while Dick napped, my sis and I dashed down the hill to the post office to pick up the mail and made a quick stop next door at the College Market to grab a couple of things we needed for dinner. We encountered one of Dick's neighbors, who asked us how things are going. We said, not good. She assured us that they are praying for all of us - healing and courage for Dick, and strength for all of us as we make this difficult journey. Again, how does anyone live through life's tough times trying to go it alone? Praise God, we aren't doing this alone! Thank you, Lord, and to you all for being there. It means SO MUCH!
XOXO
MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Isaiah 12:2-6 (NIV)
"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid, for the LORD GOD is my strength and my might; he has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. And you will say in that day: Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known his deeds among the nations; proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing praises to the LORD, for he has done gloriously; let this be known in all the earth. Shout aloud and sing for joy, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel."
NOW FROM "The Message:"
"Yes, indeed -- God is my salvation. I trust, I won't be afraid. God -- yes God! -- is my strength and my song, best of all, my salvation!
"Joyfully you'll pull up buckets of water from the wells of salvation. And as you do it, you'll say, 'Give thanks to God.' Call out his name. Ask him anything! Shout to the nations, tell them what he's done, spread the news of his great reputation!"
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