First let me make a major correction. The chapter from Rick Warren's book that I was raving about (and it truly is a fantastic writing) is Chapter 14, not 18. There's nothing wrong with 18, but you lose the entire point of what I was getting at, and I'm sure y'all were scratching your heads, if you went to the book to take a peek and read Chapter 18. Sorry! That's what I get for depending on my most fallible memory.
Where to start... It's been at least two weeks since I've updated my blog, and there's been a lot going on - some of it trivial, and some fairly significant. For one thing, my brother hasn't been doing well. He's been discouraged and many days seems to have pretty much given up. He had an MRI on the 21st, but we don't have the results yet. That will come in a doctor's appointment this coming Thursday. I can tell that Dick feels he is deteriorating more and more and expects the news to be bad. He is unable to do much of anything but get back and forth from couch to bed and to the bathroom and back, and has to use a walker for safe transport even on those abbreviated trips. His speech is becoming more difficult at times, and he took quite a fall this week. Fortunately, he wasn't hurt in the fall, but it scared the kapok out of all of us!
The other thing is Dick and Nancy are urging my sis and I to take some extended time for a visit home. We are scheduled to fly home this coming Friday, Feb. 6, returning on the 17th. But they are suggesting that we stay at home till after Spring Break. This would mean we would return sometime after March 31. We have decided to go ahead with that plan, and are in the process of rearranging our flights and airport transportation to make it happen that way. Both of us have considerable anxiety about leaving for that length of time - we're afraid of what we'll find when we come back. And there's also the possibility that things could reach the point where we might have to come back sooner than March 31. I'm not sure they realize fully all that we are doing behind the scenes to keep things running smoothly here, but time will tell. Either way, it will be awfully nice to spend some extra time at home.
My daughter, Sandi, was here with us last weekend. She flew down to pay her Uncle Dick a visit, and was able to spend some one-on-one time with one of her favorite cousins (Joylin, my brother's eldest) whom she hadn't seen in a very long time. We had a wonderful time while she was here, even though the weather was totally uncooperative - it rained the entire time she was here. It had been beautiful and sunny up until the day before she arrived, and the sun returned the day she left. Bummer! But she came for more than the weather, so it's all good.
One more bit of news: After 14 months of prayers to this end, my son called early this past week to say he wants to come home. He says he misses his family (wife, kids, extended family) and just wants to come home. So, in the very worst time of the year for road travel, he left Omaha, NE yesterday morning and arrived at a friend's in Montana sometime before noon today. He told us that he was in a deserted mountain pass this morning at around 3 a.m. in the middle of nowhere when his rented vehicle stopped just as though he had turned off the key. He tinkered with it for an hour or so, with no success, and wrapped himself in a blanket (in sub-zero weather) to wait till daylight to decide what to do next.
He was sitting there alone in the dark, getting pretty cold, when suddenly the car's headlights came on (he had not realized he had left the headlights or the key in the "on" position, since everything died when the car quit). He sat up, turned the key, and the car started on the first try. He made it safe and sound without further incident several hours down the road to his friend's home in Montana. I call that a miracle, since his I was waking up every 30 minutes to pray that his journey would be safe and he wouldn't freeze to death out there in a snowbank somewhere. God is so faithful!
Now that it's actually happening, we have mixed feelings about our son coming home. Of course, we're thrilled that he wants to come home, and consider it a miraculous answer to months of prayer. But we need to find that fine line between unconditional loving acceptance and enabling further poor choices and unnacceptable behavior. He cannot just drop out of the sky back into the picture and pick up where he left off, expecting everyone to just smile and say nothing about what's happened. His wife and kids have been SO hurt by his selfish choices, as have his Dad & I. We so much want to be the loving parents of a returning prodigal, but also want to help him be accountable for the pain and anguish his bad choices have caused us, his wife, and his precious babies during the past 14 months. I have read and re-read the Luke 15 story of the Prodigal Son. Please pray for all of us as we seek wisdom and guidance in dealing with this situation. I told our pastor yesterday, I want to hug him (my son, not the pastor) till he squeals, and then turn him over my knee and give him a good lickin' (again... my son, not the pastor)!
So, we will spend this coming week sorting things out in preparation to head home - what to take, what to leave here for our return in a couple of months. We also have a dilemma regarding our transportation to the airport on Friday. Our sweetie of a cousin, Sam, always takes care of that for us. We drive Sherry's car to his house in Sacramento and he shuttles us to the airport. We leave her car at his house and work the plan in reverse for our return trip. Unfortunately, Sam will be in Oregon all of next week (something more than a little ironic about that, huh?), so we have to figure out a Plan B. So far, nothing has jumped out at us - not sure what we'll do, but it will all work out.
Thanks for hanging with me through all the drama. Can you believe it - Sometimes it almost feels like a bad soap opera!
XOXO
Joanne
MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Luke 15:20
So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long distance away, his father saw him coming, and he was filled with loving pity and ran and embraced him and kissed him.
Lord, help me to be that loving parent, waiting with open arms at the end of the driveway! And give me the wisdom to know when to speak, what to say, and when to keep silent. Amen.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Wow! January is more than half gone already - unbelievable! It seems like we just get used to writing and saying "January," and it's time to switch to February. And wasn't it just Thanksgiving last week!!?? Time definitely flies.
We have again settled into the routine of being back in California. I always feel a bit disoriented when we first get home, and again when we first return to my brother's. I kinda wander around in a daze for a couple of days, not sure where I am or what I'm supposed to do. I can't find things in my own kitchen. The garbage can and the silverware aren't in the "right" places. I keep looking for things in the places where they are kept at the other house, wherever I'm not. And grocery shopping is a nightmare. I remember we're low on this or that and toss one in the grocery cart, then when I go to the cupboard (at either place), there are two of that item sitting there on the shelf, and the thing I REALLY needed to buy is either gone or in short supply. It gets very confusing, even with a list.
My sis-in-law went to a kindergarten teachers conference this weekend. She left Saturday morning and came back early this evening (Sunday). We were more than a little nervous having her gone overnight. I hardly slept at all - like that first night you have your newborn home from the hospital, or when one of your kids is really sick. I had one ear tuned to hear Dick if he got up in the night and fell or something. First thing this morning I looked over at my sister in her bed and said, "Well, we made it!" I had prayed all night that Dick would remain safe in his bed through the night. Daylight was such a relief!
Monday will be a relaxing day. There's no school because of MLK's birthday, and Nancy will be able to stay home, which will be really nice for Dick. We got the laundry chores all done today so that tomorrow can just be a veg-out day. The weather has been beautiful - some days in the 70's, so maybe we can spend some time outdoors. Darrell tells me it was 26 degrees outside our kitchen window this morning. That's too cold! Wish he could be here to enjoy the sunshine with me.
I have been reading my Rick Warren book (Purpose Driven Life). If you don't have a copy, you have to get one. It a fabulous, practical and encouraging book. If you have a copy, promise me you'll read Chapter 18. It talks about those times when you're feeling alone, your prayers don't go any higher than the ceiling, and you feel God is either off somewhere taking a nap or has forgotten about you altogether. You're just not feelin' it! When one of my most precious friends is feeling this way, she offers to give God her Social Security number to make sure He remembers who she is (Hey, God - it's me, Diane!). Of course, she isn't serious, but we almost feel that way sometimes. I know I do!
Sometimes I lie in my bed at night in the darkness and plead with God to heal my brother, and/or to give me, my sis and Mom, the strength to deal with everything that's happening, now and in the future. And for me it's more than my brother's failing health, although that is huge. My daughter and her kids are struggling with anger, emotional and financial issues after finalizing a nasty divorce (one she never wanted from the get-go), and my son is who-knows-where - he has left his wife and two precious kids. We aren't even certain where he is. He says Iowa, or Nebraska (depending on who you're talking to). Can you imagine a mother's anguish not knowing where her precious boy is! And I feel badly about leaving my husband at home all alone. He is so precious and supportive, but gets terribly lonely between home visits. I miss him and fight feelings of guilt for neglecting him.
One of my favorite Christian songs is called, "Learning to Lean on Jesus," and believe me I am being taught that lesson, more and more EVERY day! Since there is not one single thing I can do to fix any of these things that are so profoundly broken in my life and in my family, there is only One place to turn. At one point while I was home at Christmas, I had somewhat of a meltdown, crying and carrying on. I was bawling and told my husband, "Everywhere I turn there is something hugely broken and totally out of [my] control!" Learning to lean! Why is it so hard? Why do we feel we have to do SOMETHING to try to fix things or make them better? I guess I get that from my sweet Daddy. He was a "get-in-the-car-go-and-do-SOMETHING" kinda guy. I can still remember him in difficult situations, pacing the floor and brainstorming ideas, desperately trying to come up with "something" he could do to help or fix the situation. I guess that's just our natural human inclination.
So... It's probably a good thing that there's nothing I can do in any of these situations. All I can do is love the people involved, pray a lot, and rely on the One who is "able to save to the uttermost." And all the while, I'm learning to lean!
I love you all - couldn't make it without all of you in my life!
XOXO
Joanne
MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Isaiah 49:14-16 (TLB)
Yet they way, "My Lord deserted us; he has forgotten us."
Never! Can a mother forget her little child and not have love for her own son? Yet even if that should be, I will not forget you. See, I have tattooed your name upon my palm..."
He must have a very big palm, because I know your name is tattooed there with mine! XOXO
We have again settled into the routine of being back in California. I always feel a bit disoriented when we first get home, and again when we first return to my brother's. I kinda wander around in a daze for a couple of days, not sure where I am or what I'm supposed to do. I can't find things in my own kitchen. The garbage can and the silverware aren't in the "right" places. I keep looking for things in the places where they are kept at the other house, wherever I'm not. And grocery shopping is a nightmare. I remember we're low on this or that and toss one in the grocery cart, then when I go to the cupboard (at either place), there are two of that item sitting there on the shelf, and the thing I REALLY needed to buy is either gone or in short supply. It gets very confusing, even with a list.
My sis-in-law went to a kindergarten teachers conference this weekend. She left Saturday morning and came back early this evening (Sunday). We were more than a little nervous having her gone overnight. I hardly slept at all - like that first night you have your newborn home from the hospital, or when one of your kids is really sick. I had one ear tuned to hear Dick if he got up in the night and fell or something. First thing this morning I looked over at my sister in her bed and said, "Well, we made it!" I had prayed all night that Dick would remain safe in his bed through the night. Daylight was such a relief!
Monday will be a relaxing day. There's no school because of MLK's birthday, and Nancy will be able to stay home, which will be really nice for Dick. We got the laundry chores all done today so that tomorrow can just be a veg-out day. The weather has been beautiful - some days in the 70's, so maybe we can spend some time outdoors. Darrell tells me it was 26 degrees outside our kitchen window this morning. That's too cold! Wish he could be here to enjoy the sunshine with me.
I have been reading my Rick Warren book (Purpose Driven Life). If you don't have a copy, you have to get one. It a fabulous, practical and encouraging book. If you have a copy, promise me you'll read Chapter 18. It talks about those times when you're feeling alone, your prayers don't go any higher than the ceiling, and you feel God is either off somewhere taking a nap or has forgotten about you altogether. You're just not feelin' it! When one of my most precious friends is feeling this way, she offers to give God her Social Security number to make sure He remembers who she is (Hey, God - it's me, Diane!). Of course, she isn't serious, but we almost feel that way sometimes. I know I do!
Sometimes I lie in my bed at night in the darkness and plead with God to heal my brother, and/or to give me, my sis and Mom, the strength to deal with everything that's happening, now and in the future. And for me it's more than my brother's failing health, although that is huge. My daughter and her kids are struggling with anger, emotional and financial issues after finalizing a nasty divorce (one she never wanted from the get-go), and my son is who-knows-where - he has left his wife and two precious kids. We aren't even certain where he is. He says Iowa, or Nebraska (depending on who you're talking to). Can you imagine a mother's anguish not knowing where her precious boy is! And I feel badly about leaving my husband at home all alone. He is so precious and supportive, but gets terribly lonely between home visits. I miss him and fight feelings of guilt for neglecting him.
One of my favorite Christian songs is called, "Learning to Lean on Jesus," and believe me I am being taught that lesson, more and more EVERY day! Since there is not one single thing I can do to fix any of these things that are so profoundly broken in my life and in my family, there is only One place to turn. At one point while I was home at Christmas, I had somewhat of a meltdown, crying and carrying on. I was bawling and told my husband, "Everywhere I turn there is something hugely broken and totally out of [my] control!" Learning to lean! Why is it so hard? Why do we feel we have to do SOMETHING to try to fix things or make them better? I guess I get that from my sweet Daddy. He was a "get-in-the-car-go-and-do-SOMETHING" kinda guy. I can still remember him in difficult situations, pacing the floor and brainstorming ideas, desperately trying to come up with "something" he could do to help or fix the situation. I guess that's just our natural human inclination.
So... It's probably a good thing that there's nothing I can do in any of these situations. All I can do is love the people involved, pray a lot, and rely on the One who is "able to save to the uttermost." And all the while, I'm learning to lean!
I love you all - couldn't make it without all of you in my life!
XOXO
Joanne
MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Isaiah 49:14-16 (TLB)
Yet they way, "My Lord deserted us; he has forgotten us."
Never! Can a mother forget her little child and not have love for her own son? Yet even if that should be, I will not forget you. See, I have tattooed your name upon my palm..."
He must have a very big palm, because I know your name is tattooed there with mine! XOXO
Friday, January 9, 2009
Of Sunnier California and Answered Prayers
Hi all!
Well, here we are back in California. We dug ourselves out of the snowdrifts and flew back down on Monday - got here mid-afternoon, and it was really cold and foggy. In fact, the temperature was about the same (low 40's) as what we had left behind in Portland. When I left my home, we still had enough snow in our yard to make it challenging to get out of our driveway for our trip to the airport on Monday morning. Darrell had to rock the pickup back and forth a couple of times to get enough momentum to start moving down the driveway. It worried us for a brief moment, but we made it out and down the hill to the freeway.
My time at home this time was far from normal. We were snowed in most of the time I was there. But in a way, it was fun and relaxing. Darrell said it was a little like being on vacation in our own home. I felt it was perfectly OK to stay in my nightie till, oh, 3:00 in the afternoon, or so. I mean, why shower and get dressed - couldn't go anywhere. I mean, not anywhere - not even to the mailbox at the end of the driveway. (Yes, our faithful mail deliverer brought our mail every day throughout the arctic blast, but we couldn't make it to the mailbox!)
We enjoyed days of guilt-free vegging out. We read and worshipped, napped and watched TV - whatever we felt like doing. The snow was beautiful, but after about a week it got to be somewhat of a drag. (We lost power several times and we were getting dangerously low on "necessities" again). One close friend said on his FaceBook page that he hopes it NEVER snows again. Dream on, friend! It could conceivably snow again yet this winter. We're just getting started!
Last Friday my brother was scheduled to have his double-whammy chemo treatment, but his lab test the prior Thursday revealed that his blood platelets were too low to support having the treatment. Then early Saturday morning (2 a.m.-ish) he awoke with severe leg pain and they discovered that his right leg was swollen to 5-1/2 inches larger than his left leg, we assume from the blood clots. They had done surgery just after Christmas (Dec. 29) to insert a little filter screen in his leg vein to catch the clots to keep them from floating to somewhere scary, even possibly fatal (e.g., brain, heart, lungs). I have no idea how all this plays into the swollen leg, but I have to assume there's a connection.
We have been praying all week that the platelet count would increase to at least the required minimum (100K) so that he could have the treatment today. We've been feeding him all kinds of nutritious, healthy foods and making him drink lots of fluids, and all manner of other tortuous indignities, having absolutely no idea what makes more platelets. But we reasoned that it couldn't hurt.
So, after lying on the couch all week with his leg elevated, the swelling is much improved, and yesterday (Thursday) he went for another blood test to check the platelet count. We held our breath waiting for the results. The nice thing is that Kaiser's labs post test results on their website within a very short time (sometimes within 30 minutes). We prayed and signed on to the website, and there it was - "Platelets: 132K." Mom and I cheered for joy and Sherry burst into tears. So he was allowed to have the chemo meds infused this morning. He was really beginning to lose ground without the scheduled treatment, and swears he feels a little stronger already now that he's had the medications. Praise God! You are SO good, and we are so, so thankful.
I always feel somewhat disoriented going back and forth from home to here and back home again. The first couple of days I feel a little at loose ends, and then settle back into the routine of the locale. This week has been a blur. We've been troubled about Dick's swollen leg and low platelet count and the resulting lack of medications. He's been a bit out of sorts dealing with it all, which is totally understandable, but adds to the stress level.
Speaking of FaceBook (remember I mentioned it back a couple of paragraphs), I am probably one of the few grandmothers on FaceBook. It has been a lot of fun connecting and reconnecting with family and old friends (I mean, long-time friends, not just the old ones). My new friend, Leah, is there, which is fun. If you haven't signed up, you might want to give it a try. It's a combined hoot and a real blessing, all rolled into one. It offers some real opportunities to share your heart and to just be a little silly sometimes.
Well, the household is shutting down for the evening, so I will ring off this epistle for now. Thanks for your faithfulness, your love and unending prayers for me and my precious family.
I love you all - so much!
Joanne
MY TEXT FOR THE DAY: Psalm 142 (TLB)
How I plead with God, how I implore his mercy, pouring out my troubles before him. For I am overwhelmed and desperate, and you alone know which way I ought to turn to miss the traps my enemies have set for me (look, there's one--just over there to the right!). No one gives me a passing thought. No one will help me, no one cares a bit what happens to me.
Then I prayed to Jehovah, "Lord," I pled, "you are my only place of refuge. Only you can keep me safe. Hear my cry, for I am very low. Rescue me from my persecutors, for they are too strong for me. Bring me out of prison, so that I can thank you. The Godly will rejoice with me for all your help."
Well, here we are back in California. We dug ourselves out of the snowdrifts and flew back down on Monday - got here mid-afternoon, and it was really cold and foggy. In fact, the temperature was about the same (low 40's) as what we had left behind in Portland. When I left my home, we still had enough snow in our yard to make it challenging to get out of our driveway for our trip to the airport on Monday morning. Darrell had to rock the pickup back and forth a couple of times to get enough momentum to start moving down the driveway. It worried us for a brief moment, but we made it out and down the hill to the freeway.
My time at home this time was far from normal. We were snowed in most of the time I was there. But in a way, it was fun and relaxing. Darrell said it was a little like being on vacation in our own home. I felt it was perfectly OK to stay in my nightie till, oh, 3:00 in the afternoon, or so. I mean, why shower and get dressed - couldn't go anywhere. I mean, not anywhere - not even to the mailbox at the end of the driveway. (Yes, our faithful mail deliverer brought our mail every day throughout the arctic blast, but we couldn't make it to the mailbox!)
We enjoyed days of guilt-free vegging out. We read and worshipped, napped and watched TV - whatever we felt like doing. The snow was beautiful, but after about a week it got to be somewhat of a drag. (We lost power several times and we were getting dangerously low on "necessities" again). One close friend said on his FaceBook page that he hopes it NEVER snows again. Dream on, friend! It could conceivably snow again yet this winter. We're just getting started!
Last Friday my brother was scheduled to have his double-whammy chemo treatment, but his lab test the prior Thursday revealed that his blood platelets were too low to support having the treatment. Then early Saturday morning (2 a.m.-ish) he awoke with severe leg pain and they discovered that his right leg was swollen to 5-1/2 inches larger than his left leg, we assume from the blood clots. They had done surgery just after Christmas (Dec. 29) to insert a little filter screen in his leg vein to catch the clots to keep them from floating to somewhere scary, even possibly fatal (e.g., brain, heart, lungs). I have no idea how all this plays into the swollen leg, but I have to assume there's a connection.
We have been praying all week that the platelet count would increase to at least the required minimum (100K) so that he could have the treatment today. We've been feeding him all kinds of nutritious, healthy foods and making him drink lots of fluids, and all manner of other tortuous indignities, having absolutely no idea what makes more platelets. But we reasoned that it couldn't hurt.
So, after lying on the couch all week with his leg elevated, the swelling is much improved, and yesterday (Thursday) he went for another blood test to check the platelet count. We held our breath waiting for the results. The nice thing is that Kaiser's labs post test results on their website within a very short time (sometimes within 30 minutes). We prayed and signed on to the website, and there it was - "Platelets: 132K." Mom and I cheered for joy and Sherry burst into tears. So he was allowed to have the chemo meds infused this morning. He was really beginning to lose ground without the scheduled treatment, and swears he feels a little stronger already now that he's had the medications. Praise God! You are SO good, and we are so, so thankful.
I always feel somewhat disoriented going back and forth from home to here and back home again. The first couple of days I feel a little at loose ends, and then settle back into the routine of the locale. This week has been a blur. We've been troubled about Dick's swollen leg and low platelet count and the resulting lack of medications. He's been a bit out of sorts dealing with it all, which is totally understandable, but adds to the stress level.
Speaking of FaceBook (remember I mentioned it back a couple of paragraphs), I am probably one of the few grandmothers on FaceBook. It has been a lot of fun connecting and reconnecting with family and old friends (I mean, long-time friends, not just the old ones). My new friend, Leah, is there, which is fun. If you haven't signed up, you might want to give it a try. It's a combined hoot and a real blessing, all rolled into one. It offers some real opportunities to share your heart and to just be a little silly sometimes.
Well, the household is shutting down for the evening, so I will ring off this epistle for now. Thanks for your faithfulness, your love and unending prayers for me and my precious family.
I love you all - so much!
Joanne
MY TEXT FOR THE DAY: Psalm 142 (TLB)
How I plead with God, how I implore his mercy, pouring out my troubles before him. For I am overwhelmed and desperate, and you alone know which way I ought to turn to miss the traps my enemies have set for me (look, there's one--just over there to the right!). No one gives me a passing thought. No one will help me, no one cares a bit what happens to me.
Then I prayed to Jehovah, "Lord," I pled, "you are my only place of refuge. Only you can keep me safe. Hear my cry, for I am very low. Rescue me from my persecutors, for they are too strong for me. Bring me out of prison, so that I can thank you. The Godly will rejoice with me for all your help."
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