Back in California

Well, here we are back in california. I forced myself out of bed at 4:00 Monday morning and my hubby drove me to my sister's in Hillsboro. She and I left Hillsboro at 7 a.m. and arrived at my brother's in Angwin a few minutes before 7 p.m. last evening. We stopped in Salem for breakfast, fueled up in Grants Pass and ate a late lunch in Andersen (just south of Redding). The weather was beautiful and the trip was pleasant and uneventful.

The minute we walked in the door at my brother's we noticed things were different. Dick barely acknowledged our arrival and the spark in his eyes was gone. He has had a tough past few days - has almost totally lost the use of his right hand and his speech has greatly deteriorated. He struggles to say more than two consecutive words, and spoke only a few words the entire evening on Monday - it is obviously frustrating for him to even try. My sis and I were devastated at the decline. Later we were told that he had spilled an entire tumbler of iced tea on himself just a couple of hours before we arrived and had a major meltdown as a result. It's so horribly painful to admit to oneself that you're losing it, I mean REALLY losing it!

Monday morning before we arrived, Dick was attempting to pour himself a glass of milk, and poured it all over the counter (he uses milk to take one of his particularly nasty-tasting medications). He leaned his head against the fridge and wept - the progressive loss of the use of his right hand has been extremely difficult, since he is so completely right-handed. Poor baby has lost SO MUCH!

Monday afternoon Dick had an MRI, which will show the progression of the tumor (or lack thereof, if we could be that fortunate). We will get the results next Monday at his doctor's appointment. We continue to pray for a healing miracle, but are completely trusting in God's all-knowing love and mercy. But having said that, I have to say - this is NOT easy. Gut-wrenching doesn't begin to describe it.

The bright spot from today is that a long-time friend and co-worker of Dick's came by today to visit. I mean, these guys are hilarious together, even under the circumstances. They finish each other's sentences and exchange these knowing glances that only two close intimate friends can share. The friend asked if there were things he could do for us while he was here. What an angel! He was busy as a flea on a hot griddle all day. He helped to load two engines for a couple of guys who came to buy some of Dick's automotive treasures. He also cut up a giant pile of scrap wood that my sister and I then stacked onto a pallet. We'll use the wood for campfires in the firepit in the backyard. Dick loves a fire! We spend many hours reminiscing and just sitting quietly together, sometimes in the early morning, or on many evenings. We've made some fantastic memories together by the fire.

Would you believe I went off and left my Bible on the kitchen table at home where I had laid it when I got home from church on Sunday. I was afraid I had left it, and sure enough, when I unpacked my things today it wasn't there. My sweet husband says he'll head to the Post Office tomorrow and get it sent off to me. They have a dozen Bibles here, but you know how it is - I need my own Bible. I feel a little lost digging around in a Bible other than my own.

Thanks to all of you who have been faithful to suffer through my ramblings, and for your prayers without ceasing. I can't fathom how anyone could get through a situation of this type without having Jesus and precious friends and family to lean on. You are so dear to bear my burdens and walk this path with me and my family.

Love you all!
XOXO

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Proverbs 3:5-8 (The Message)

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil!

"Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life!"

Here it is again from the NIV:
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be a healing for your flesh and a refreshment for your body.

Thursday and heading home

So, here we are at Thursday again. The week has fairly flown. I guess that's the way of it, when you're busy, and we are.

Tuesday wasn't the best day. My poor brother could barely communicate at all. His speech problems were the worst we've seen so far. Yesterday we learned that he had a pretty siginificant seizure in the middle of the night on Monday night. I'm no doctor, but I'm guessing the seizure is probably connected to the increased problems with his speech the next day. The odd thing is, Tuesday he was able to walk without any limp and didn't scuff along with his right foot, as he sometimes does when his foot is super numb.

We dashed to town Tuesday afternoon to do some major grocery shopping in anticipation of being gone for ten days. Our hope is that they will be pretty well stocked up so that trips to store can be kept at a minimum while we're home for ten days.

Today was fun for us, but a little tiring for our brother. We met in Napa for lunch with a couple of our cousins who live in Sacramento. We have seen them only one other time, very briefly, in the past 20 years or more. These cousins are two of 5 siblings, the children of our Daddy's youngest sister. We had a great time reminiscing about old times and have decided it would be great to have a cousins reunion. We want to make it happen fairly soon while our brother is still able to enjoy our time together. Although, he says he is afraid he won't enjoy it very much, since he already has a difficult time participating in a conversation.

Tomorrow morning bright and early my sis and I will get in her car and head north to be at home with our hubbies until Monday, the 29th. Please pray for our safe journey as we travel there and back. We also pray for a double portion of God's presence to be here with our Mom and brother while we are away.

Thank you all for your love and prayers.

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Isaiah 40:11-17 (LB)
"He will feed his flock like a shepherd; he will carry the lambs in his arms and gently lead the ewes with young. Who else has held the oceans in his hands and measured off the heavens with his ruler? Who else knows the weight of all the earth and weighs the mountains and the hills?

"Who can advise the Spirit of the Lord or be his teacher, or give him counsel? Has he ever needed anyone's advice? DId he need instruction as to what is right and best? No, for all the peoples of the world are nothing in comparison with him--they are but a drop in the bucket, dust on the scales."

Here it is again from The Message Bible:
"Like a shepherd, he will care for his flock, gathering the lambs in his arms, hugging them as he carries them, leading the nursing ewes to good pasture

"Who has scooped up the ocean in his two hands, or measured the sky between thumb and little finger? Who has put all the earth's dirt in one of his baskets, weighed each mountain and hill? Who could ever have told God what to do or taught him his business? What expert would he have gone to for advice, what school would he attend to learn justice?

"What god do you suppose might have taught him what he knows, showed him how things work? Why, the nations are but a drop in the bucket, a mere smudge on a window. Watch him sweep up the islands like so much dust on the floor!"

Our God is VERY good and VERY big - Big enough to create and control the universe, yet small enough to live in my heart. I know I can trust in Him!

j.

Notes from Saturday

What a fantastic day! Coffee and breakfast, and then enjoyed gospel music videos (Gaither Vocal Band and Signature Sound Quartet) for a couple of hours. Then my sis-in-law said, "Let's read your verse for today." I hadn't chosen one yet, but offered to read Friday's verse from Ephesians. I read the verses I shared with y'all yesterday, and then my sis-in-law read the same passage from The Message version of the Bible, and my sister read from NIV. It was so beautiful and brought us all to tears. My brother wept and said, "That's SO POWERFUL!" And it is!



It is indeed power packed - difficult to talk about and adequately portray what happened in my brother's living room this morning. It probably sounds pretty hokey (is that a real word?). At any rate, we ended up reading the verses several times, just to fully soak them up and bask in their whole meaning. And then we had a beautiful interchange about their implications in our lives in a real way. I will share The Message version of the verses as I close my blog for today. Now I want to go shopping online for a copy of The Message to add to my collection of Bible versions. It reads so great!



Here's the funny thing about it. The other day when we were shopping at Dollar Tree in Santa Rosa I saw a little decorative plaque there that had a portion of the passage enscribed on it. It caught my attention, and I told myself I had to remember the text reference so I could look it up later and read it in its entirety. That's how I ended up with it yesterday. God uses mysterious ways to speak to us and get our attention. Sometimes even shopping!



This evening some friends of my brother came to visit. We built a fire in the firepit, ate snacks and enjoyed a pleasant visit around the fire. It was a perfect way to end a great day.


MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Ephesians 3:14-21 (as numbered uniquely in The Message Bible)
"My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit--not a brute strength, but a glorious inner strength--that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test the length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.


"God can do ANYTHING, you know--far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around, but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us."

Glory to God in the church!
Glorty to God in the Messiah, in Jesus!
Glory down all the generations!
Glory through all millennia! Oh yes!

Friday again... already

Let's see... where was I? Tuesday was a quiet day. The weather was extra cool (felt good after temperatures in the upper 90's). In the evening we roasted hot dogs over a fire in the backyard fire pit. It was a pleasant day.

On Wednesday and Thursday we spent a good share of our time working on an inventory list of my brother's 40-year collection of Mopar auto parts, which he wants to sell. Poor baby had to crawl around ceiling-level shelves, calling the description of each item to my sister, and I recorded the list with my laptop onto an Excel spreadsheet to catalog and categorize stuff for potential buyers. At one point, my brother's shoe came off and he wasn't able to feel that it had come off. After he came down from his perch, he walked around in one shoe for several minutes before we pointed it out to him. Then, later in the day as he was preparing for a shower he was certain there was an earplug forced into his right ear (one of those little foam rubber thingies), but I checked - there was nothing there! The injured brain can definitely play tricks.

Today my brother had to crawl back up on the highest shelf to look for his shoe. There was another day this week when he came out of the bedroom wearing only one flip-flop, and thought he had put on both. It's so hard to watch him struggle with everyday stuff. We take SO MUCH for granted, don't we?

We have now been here three weeks and I have to say, I am learning some valuable lessons from my brother. He deals with SO MUCH every day, and does it with grace, patience and acceptance. He spills things, he trips over nothing, he sometimes has difficulty maneuvering the zippers, etc., on his clothing, and other demeaning stuff. All this and increasing difficulties with speech and just plain old basic communication. I wouldn't have guessed he could do this well in a situation of this type, but God is giving him the needed strength. Every day I'm more amazed at his accepting attitude. Could I do as well? I seriously doubt it!


Then the other day as I was working in the kitchen, I overheard him on the phone talking to a friend he had worked with for a number of years before his illness. He had called this guy especially to tell him how much his friendship has meant over the years. He explained that he is afraid he may not be able to communicate much longer and wanted to deliver his message before he loses his speech altogether. And there have been calls to a number of others who have been special in his life. Wow! What a lesson that is for me. I want to let my friends and family know how much they mean to me now, while I am able to, and while each of them can still hear what I have to say.

We are still praying for a miracle. Yesterday I told my sister that during the night when I couldn't sleep I realized that we have already experienced a miracle - not exactly the one we requested, but a miracle nonetheless. If you knew my brother before his illness, you would say that he has always been very self-assured, in control, and in general had need of nothing. He had a successful business with a healthy income, a nice expensive home, kids who have all turned out well - the whole banana. He truly had need of nothing. He is now acutely aware that he needs and supremely values the love of family & friends. More importantly, he knows he must rely on a Higher Power for everyTHING and every breath. The changes we see in our brother IS our miracle. However, we are a bit greedy and still pray fervently every day for our brother's healing and total restoration to complete health. May His perfect will be fulfilled! Thank you for continuing to pray with us.

Happy weekend, everyone!
XOXO

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Ephesians 3:12-19

"When I think of the wisdom and scope of his plan, I fall down on my knees and pray to the Father of all the great famly of God--some of them already in heaven and some down here on earth--that out of his glorious unlimited resources he will give you the mighty inner strenghtening of his Holy Spirit.

"And I pray that Christ will be more at home in your hearts, living within you as you TRUST IN HIM. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love, and may you be able to feel and understand, as all God's children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last you will be filled up with God himself."

Reflections of last week, on to a new week

Wow - the week ended and a new one has already begun and once again I'm amazed by the passage of time. They say time flies when you're having fun, but I didn't realize I was having THAT much fun!

On Thursday morning my sis and I went to the Santa Rosa airport to pick up Ron, our darling friend, who volunteered to come all the way from Portland to help my brother with a couple of projects. Ron hit the ground running and was hard at work before we barely got into the house. Of course, we had stopped at a sandwich shop in town (one of my brother's favorites) to grab a bite of lunch for all of us.

That evening we were just hanging out and relaxing and there was a knock at the door. Lo and behold, Ron's dad and brother came from 3 or 4 hours to the south to join Ron in working on the projects. These guys and their parents have been friends of our family for more than 30 years, when Ron was in an infant seat and his brother was a toddler. They have become as dear as family to us, and certainly have always jumped in to help, just the way family does. They spent the weekend building a beautiful back yard gate to match my brother's new fence, along with completing a dozen other smaller projects that my brother is unable to do himself.

One of the things the guys did while they were here was to plant "Earl," the walnut tree. You remember Earl - I told you the Earl Story in an earlier blog entry. The ground is so hard here that the boys had to use a jackhammer to excavate Earl's new home. Then the hole was prepared with fertilizer, top soil, and a lot of water. When the time was right, we all gathered to witness The Planting, accompanied by my sister and I as we hummed an abbreviated chorus of "I think that I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree..." You know the one.

I recorded the event with my digital camera and got some great pictures of my brother tenderly shoveling topsoil around Earl's rootball, and then supervising Ron who carefully packed the soil around the roots. Actually, my mom was close by to act as foreman of the entire process. It was really quite touching, given the sentimental significance of Earl's existence in the first place, and his grit and tenacity to survive. I am happy to report that he is doing quite nicely in his new location, in spite of suffering a slight sunburn on a couple of his leaves during our heatwave. May your life be long and fruitful, Earl (bring on those walnuts)! I should live that long!

Over the weekend two of my brother's cars left the premises. One was a 1973 Dodge Charger, a project car in need of some major TLC that my brother never got around to rendering before his illness. The guy who bought the car lives in Hollister, a couple of hours away. The other was my sister's adorable 1991 Dodge Daytona that she bought brand new. She was living with us at the time, and I still remember the day she roared into the driveway in her shiny brand new white car. It was her "baby" for forever till she sold it to our brother two years ago in April of 2006. He bought it mostly to keep it in the family, but the time has come to let go.

The guy who bought the Daytona is shipping the car to his home in Florida via auto transport. They loaded the car onto the upper deck of the truck and we watched it disappear around the corner. Now, get this - it wasn't even my car, and I'm the one who burst into tears as they hauled it away. Our emotions are pretty close to the surface at any given time these days, but there were so many reasons why it made me cry. My brother is having to give up EVERYTHING, and that was a huge factor. That, in addition to a dumb sentimental attachment to a cute little car that meant so much to my sister for so many years. Ridiculous, I know!

On Sunday afternoon we made an outing of driving Ron back to the airport. We wanted to give my brother and his sweet wife a little time without a houseful of visitors. So, what else? We did some shopping in Santa Rosa - exciting stuff like Dollar Tree (which they don't have in the towns nearby my brother) and Grocery Outlet, where we also love to shop when we're at home. We barely made it back before dark, had a bite to eat, and went to bed.

Today we changed beds and did the weekly laundry for the household, which is rather involved since they prefer not to use the dryer (in the interest of saving money on electricity, which we completely understand). Fortunately, the clothes dry quickly in this toasty weather, and hanging them on the line is actually kinda fun - makes one feel somewhat like a pioneer woman (ha!). Also, you can ignore the clothes until you are ready to fold and put them away, without them getting more and more wrinkled just laying in the dryer after the buzzer goes off (and then the next day you have to toss in a wet rag and run the dryer some more to get rid of the wrinkles - no energy savings there!).

My husband told me last night that a couple of our local churches there at home prayed corporately for my brother during their services over the weekend. They also have him on the prayer chain at several churches. Would you each please request that he is added to the prayer chain at your church. Can't have too many prayers ascending to heaven on my brother's behalf.

More later...

XOXO

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Psalm 27:1-7 (LB)

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom then shall I fear? When all evil men come to destroy me, they will stumble and fall! Yes, though a mighty army marches against me, my heart shall know no fear! I am confident that God will save me.

"The one thing I want from God, the thing I seek most of all, is the privilege of meditating in his Temple, living in his presence every day of my life, delighting in his incomparable perfections and glory. There I'll be when troubles come. He will hide me. He will set me on a high rock out of reach of all of my enemies. Then I will bring him sacrifices and sing his praises with much joy.

"Listen to my pleading, Lord! Be merciful and send the help I need."

Wednesday, another week half gone

Once again, time has gotten away from me. A friend of my sister's, who also has a blog, complained recently that she was suffering from "blog block." That really isn't my problem - but we've been pretty busy. You know me, I'm rarely at a loss for words, blogging or otherwise!

Last weekend was filled with family and food, of course. There was a houseful of us on Saturday, with my brother's two offspring and a combination of their spouses and kidlets. We ate a lot, laughed a bunch, and shared a few tears. It meant so much to my brother to have his family pretty much together under one roof. It was really great. Sunday we didn't do much, but on Monday we went to check out the new digs of my sis-in-law's son, and his new kitties. This is his first house as a grown-up, and it's a little dollhouse! Then we went to a local taqueria for lunch, which was yummy and inexpensive (the best part).

Tuesday was a very emotional day. My brother was having a particularly difficult day dealing with phone calls and computer issues. He was tearful, and we joined right in and had quite a cry-fest. His emotions are so tender now that he has come face to face with his own mortality, and we are having difficulty facing the possibility of losing him in the very near future. We are still hoping (begging!) for a miracle, and at the same time trusting God for his perfect will and plan. Even within that context, it's still heart-wrenching to think that we may have to say goodbye until we can be together again in heaven. His attitude is so good - no anger, no "why me?" just sadness and an urgency to get things "in order" in the event the worst happens. Please continue to pray for strength for all of us as we walk this difficult path together. AND... please keep to praying for a miracle of healing for my beloved brother.

As it write this, it occurs to me that several of you who receive my blog have "been there" and "done that" in your own lives. I'm thinking of three precious friends, one who lost her dad to cancer (after losing her mom in a drunk-driver accident), another lost her brother to leukemia, and yet another lost her mom shortly before we began working together at Shriners in Portland. I now have a personal appreciation for what they dealt with in each of their experiences. It's somewhat like childbirth - there's no way anyone can know how it feels unless they have personally experienced it and have walked through this valley themselves. So many lives are touched and forever changed by this awful disease! Thank goodness, we can look forward to heaven where there will be no more problems and heartaches!

On a happy note - On Monday I got brave and sent my son a brief text message that simply said, "I love you, my sweet boy." Keep in mind that we have had zero communcation with our boy since Memorial Day weekend, and had been given to understand that he wanted nothing to do with us. (At one point he was reported to have said, "They aren't my real parents, anyway.") Then on Tuesday I received a return text message from my son saying that he loves his dad and I, too. You can be sure that the message opened the floodgates. My sis and I were driving in the car at the time, and both of us were bawling our eyes out! (I told you it was an emotional day!) When I related this exchange to my husband on the phone last night, he said, "Wow - That fills a huge hole in my heart!" I have to ditto that, for sure! Baby steps, we'll just take baby steps. But at least the door of communication is reopened, even if only a crack.

Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow!

Love you all!

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Revelation 21:1-4 (LB)
"Then I saw a new earth and a new sky, for the present earth and sky had disappeared. And I, John, saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven. It was a glorious sight, beautiful as a bride at her wedding.

"I heard a shout from the throne saying, 'Look, the home of God is now among men, and he will live with them and they will be his people; yes, God himself will be among them.'

"He will wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying, nor pain. All of that is gone forever!"

Won't that be a glorious day!!