Midweek Musings

One day seems to almost blend into another sometimes. I had to write the date on a check today, and I had no idea what the date was. Although, we did talk this morning about the fact that today is my maternal grandma's birthday (she would be 110 - wow!). So, maybe I did actually know what day it was, after all.

It's been quite a week already. Dick had his chemo treatment on Friday (first one with the new medication mixture). We expected him to come home from chemo like a wet noodle, but he actually did quite well. However, it didn't last. By Sunday he felt pretty rotten and it was downhill after that until today. He had this vacant stare, and seemed to have just "checked out." You could ask him a question, and he sometimes didn't even acknowledge that you had spoken. And he slept most of the time.

Yesterday was a really tough day. I asked if he was ready for lunch, and he said, I guess so. Then I offered several menu choices, and he said, "Whatever - it doesn't matter." He was just gone - no reaction to anything - just this vacant stare out into space. We were pretty discouraged. But this morning he seemed a bit brighter and better. First thing this morning he got a little cranky about the remote for the fireplace (which heats the house). He was pressing all the right buttons, but nothing was happening, and he was still cold and irritated. (We learned later in the day that the batteries in the remote were dead.) With his angry reaction to the dead remote, we happily said, "He's back!" Even a cranky reaction is better than stonefaced indifference.

Breakfast was encouraging - he wanted to try, and he fixed his own bowl of granola. He even poured his own milk. I carried the full cereal bowl to his little table beside his spot on the couch, but he did a really good job preparing his own cereal. And has gotten quite good at eating with his left hand (a real feat for a total and complete right-hander)!

At lunch, once again he couldn't get the TV remote to work, then dropped his sandwich (egg salad, no less) into his lap, and just lost it. He squished a piece of the sandwich in his fist and said, 'It's all I can do not to..." I told him "It's OK to be frustrated, Dick, we understand. Deep breaths, deep breaths - Don't worry, we'll fix it!" Then he started to cry, and attempted to apologize - heartbreaking! I told him I can only imagine his frustration - think about it!! You can't speak to express yourself, and your body won't function the way it should.

We cleaned things up, made a fresh sandwich, and started over. Then during his nap, we discovered - guess what! The batteries in the TV remote were dead, too! An easy fix, and hopefully this will make things easier for him tomorrow. I know it sounds like a small thing, but the TV remote is the absolute only thing he has left where he has even the tiniest bit of control, so it is of some importance!

A bright note for today: I went to the dentist and had my broken front tooth fixed today. I don't have to hide my smile any more. My brother has mentioned that tooth several times since I've been here, and yesterday I decided to do it for him, and made an appointment for this afternoon. I even told the dentist and her staff why I had decided to have the tooth repaired. One of the other staff members stuck her head in the treatment room where I was in the dental chair (hanging upside-down by my ankles). She said, "I heard your story and just had to poke my head in." About that time, the dentist had completed her work and handed me a mirror to see the finished product. They all agreed my smile was beautiful, and my brother was thrilled (and very touched that I had done this for him - he cried)! Now I want to surprise my husband with my new smile, so don't tell him, OK.

With all of you holding me up, and God at my side, I just keep on keeping on! Thanks for praying and for caring.

XO

MY TEXT FOR TODAY: Phil. 4:13 (I know I've used this before, but I need it again!)

I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.